Mom – Day 355
So today is Thanksgiving. Yesterday for some reason I was having a real hard time coping with the fact that I wasn’t going to have my kids with me here for Thanksgiving and in Zach’s case he will be completely without his family. Galen tried to cheer me up but I couldn’t get myself together. I stayed in the parking lot in downtown for a long time trying to get my composer and then I just didn’t care anymore. When Galen got home he brought me roses, a red rose for me, two yellow ones for my kids and orange roses for my extended kids. In the evening we went to the movies and finally I laughed and it felt good.
Today, I spoke with Zach and I could tell in his voice that he really misses home and eating my turkey and being with family. He told me that this was his first Thanksgiving without family, with people trying to kill him (they had a mortar attack) and with a rifle in his hand. When he told me this, it really didn’t register because it was almost surreal. I couldn’t imagine what was going on, why did this happen??? When I heard Zach describing his day, I felt like I was watching a silent black and white in slow motion. I wish I could do something but I couldn’t, all I could do was listen.
I also spoke to my daughter today. She said that she was jealous that Zach has a whole blog dedicated to him. I smiled because she is not one to be jealous (Zach is always jealous of his sister or his host sisters) but Victoria is always nonchalant about everything. I told her it was nice to hear that she was jealous because now I know she is still my little girl.
What is Thanksgiving for???? I didn’t want to have Thanksgiving! I didn’t want to do the turkey thing or anything, but I did. Today ended up being a good day. I have a lot to be thankful for. I have two really great kids that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I have family and friends and host daughters that worry and care about my family. The phone didn’t stop ringing and Skype didn’t slow down today. I felt guilty because everyone is doing this for us and I haven’t been able to focus on other people. People continue living and things happen that I should acknowledge – like a new child – but I am so wrapped up in what I do that I forget. I don’t do this intentionally. Somehow, people seem to always understand – thank you.
I love you Ash and Zach – Be safe Zach.
Love your Mama