Day 18

Mom - Day 18

I can't believe that we missed writing in the blog for so many days (this time Galen is sick). Zach is still deployed, he hasn't made it yet to Germany but I know it won't be long and that heavy weight that Galen and I have been carrying for so long has been lifted.
So I was wondering, what now. Now it will be time for the transition. Everyone is giving me advice about Zach and helping him with his transition back to a 'normal' life. The Army is going to be there for him to help him with his transition until I see him. I am worried about how he will cope with everything he has seen and done. I think I kind of understand why our military re-deploy, they go back to a family that can relate to them.
Right now it is snowing, the yellow ribbons are still on the tree and we are still waiting to hear Zach's voice.

I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Day 21 Dad

"Hey I just left Afghanistan today! I am in Manas its so nice hear. The air is fresh the food is good. Don't know when I am leaving yet but its nice to be outta there."

"Yeah Its nice to get outta there. Great air force food. I had real milk for the first time in 8 months. I took a shower without feeling dirty again instantly. I can buy things again, almost there to Germany. We might be here up to 4 more days. Time to relax really for the first time since march. I am ready to get to Germany then get home! its almost 2300 here; they have a weird time here. I am gonna try to get some sleep before weapons guard."

Words from a young man who has left Afghanistan. I am so happy yet not sure how I feel, it is so weird much like it is weird for him to be out of Afghanistan.

You are superman, I love you Zach!

Day 21

Mom – Day 21

Today I can really shed some tears of emotion – relief, happiness, and thankfulness – Zach is out. He said he finally had the opportunity to take a shower and feel clean, drink some real milk (not expired), eat a Snickers and have some pepperoni. Thank you for all of the prayers. (he is not in Germany yet).

Love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Day 22

Mom – Day 22

I just don’t get it! Did Karzai forget ‘Operation Enduring Freedom’ or this thing called NATO led ISAF (International Security Assistance Force)? I don’t recall Iran being part of the ISAF. Iran is constantly in the news and I hope someone is taking notice. It is kind of sad that we are still sending our men and women over to fight for President Karzai’s government and he seems to be mocking us with presents of cash from Iran.

I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Day 23

Mom – Day 23

I have been a bit sick and in bed for a few days. Dal has taken over while I was out. While I was sick I had the opportunity to turn on the TV for a few minutes to watch ‘The National Press Club’ luncheon with the guest speaker being Ayaan Hirsi Ali. I have spoken about her before. She was born in Somali in 1969, then her family moved to Saudi Arabia, she received political asylum in the Netherlands and I believe she is now living in the U.S. She described being a Muslim in Somalia and Kenya (where she also lived) and how families followed their beliefs with respect to Islam but when she lived in Saudi Arabia, Islam’s Sharia law was not a choice but a mandate by the government. She is now a Muslim Women’s Rights Activist. Although, I listened to maybe the last 15 minutes of this luncheon, there was another statement she made that struck a chord, she stated that Sharia law is ‘Gender Apartheid’ – wow - The audience also asked her what she thought about the firing of Juan Williams from NPR because of his comments with respect to Muslims. She said that in Europe it has been quite successful to find ways for people not to critique or question Islam (she gave examples of physical threats to their lives, trying to make it a criminal act, and/or by discrediting or humiliating the person or entity). She said that a government entity should never put a halt to public discourse.
I never considered myself a feminist or someone that would take a course in Women Studies. I always pictured ‘those’ women to be those who want to just be heard or ‘those’ women who couldn’t think of something better to do or study or who wanted to be more like a man. I never pictured myself writing this blog today. I love being a woman, I love wearing my red lipstick and high heels when I want to – but that is just it, when I WANT TO. My friend Carol gave me this wonderful CD called ‘Mujeres de Agua’ by Javier Limon. It is a compilation of music from different women artists from different parts of the world and they are singing for the women in Iran who cannot make their voice public. I love the CD, maybe I am becoming one of ‘those’ women?


I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Day 23 Dad

I am so tired and really need sleep. Maybe in a few days my mind will be at ease, I haven't checked the number of casualties reported in a few days I guess it had just become a habit. Staying busy is the only thing I can do but it is good to be busy, or else I just sit and wait and think.

"We will only continue to be the land of the free so long as we are home of the brave!"

You are superman, you are my hero, I love you!

Day 24 Dad

Still waiting ...... :-(

You are superman, I love you Zach!

Day 25 Dad

Lisa has been sick since yesterday, I made some chicken soup that I know she likes. It kind of slowed me down, but she is my honey so I have to take care of her like she did for me a couple of weeks ago. I didn't accomplish half the things I wanted to this weekend. Still waiting for the words, Hi Dad and mom I am in Germany!

God Bless all those who are serving and have served. Freedom is not free and so many have sacrificed so much for us to be free.

Zach you are superman and I love you!

Day 26 Dad

Tomorrow, tomorrow tomorrow you're only a day away. Zach is supposed to be getting on a flight tomorrow that will take him out of Afghanistan and back to Germany. It is a day so many of us have been looking forward to. For him it comes with some aprehension but that is the warrior in him. Deep inside he is ready to leave ready to move on.

It is odd that it is so close and almost upon us. As I look at the clock on the computer I realize as I write this that in Afghanistan it is after 6 AM TOMORROW!!! Wow it could be any time I wonder how Zach feels, I wonder what he is thinking? Soon enough we will all be together and I can ask him.

God Bless our troops!

Thank you Zach, you are superman, and I love you!

Day 27 Dad

Here are the words of a young man who is spent a year in hell. An old saying that many combat soldiers say "I have already been to hell!"

"Hey its weird getting ready to leave. I have my last box to mail ready to go with stuff I don't want to take with me. I have to mail it tomarra. Its such a weird feeling - leaving, I am excited and not at the same time. I met one of our teams replacements today. He locked right up talking to me. I had to take him to the range. They have all of the army's newest equipment and camo. It looks slick, a lot better then the junk we got. Finally getting some equipment that might be useful. Although I already heard about their leadership telling them they can't use some of the things haha dumb army. When I took him to the range I put on my equipment on to go out there with him. I threw my tan attachments back on my weapon threw my empty mags back in my vest so he could use them. Everyone looked at me like I was SF haha. I was wearing all mix-matched gear. An acu combat shirt stained brown from all the missions and sweat, tan and black weapon, a coyote tan vest with purple IR chem lights attached, tore up gloves with the fingers cut out, green duck tape on my iotv (bullet proof vest), no sling just some chord that attaches to a d-ring on my vest and my peltors on. My stuff looking all dirty but squared away no strings hanging off and having a set up that I wasn't adjusting - it all just fit. That's just from being here so long. You get your equipment how you like it plus having your own equipment the army didn't give you or they gave equipment made by people who never left the wire. You figure what works and want does not. I have my rucksack as my checked bag haha and my assault back for my carry that's no joke. Its weird having to do all that but it's a commercial flight in Manas. I have mixed feelings leaving now as it creeps closer (two and wake up). I am really excited and ready to go especially to get home; however I feel like I am almost leaving home. I think one reason for that is what happened to Hennigan. He got killed, I didn't have much time to recover I had a mission. Every mission I always thought this is another guy we don't have to worry about or I was hoping we would get the guy who did it. We finally did get the guy but the feeling never left. I guess it's just having the ability to prevent casualties so that it wouldn't happen again, that kept that feeling that and kept me going. I am leaving now and I guess I feel like I am leaving Matty behind. I am used to the life here now its normal to me. I am leaving my team too, which is terrible especially because they will prolly go on a another mission or two. When I put my gear back on today I was ready to go back out and do what I do. If 4-10 asked me to stay I might say yes. I feel like I know so much about how it works and could do more good things. Its weird feeling so excited to leave this shitty place but wanting to stay at the same time. I think I might always feel that way when people are here and I am not. I don't think my phone will be operational I don't know where my charger is now hah I don't get service here after 1600. We might be able to skype on Saturday. SFC Jones said I could stay in this hooch instead of moving to the transient tents. Technically I am supposed to go on lockdown tomarra and go there. I would rather chill here in the tent I spent a quite a bit of time at this deployment half full of 173 and half 4-10.

Well that's about it dad

have a good day love you,"

So close, words that resonate so loudly with me. Only a little more time .....

You are superman Zach, thank you for all you have done, I love you with all my heart.

Day 29 Dad

Zach emailed today, he is at Forward Operating Base Shank. He turned in his weapon, and most of his other equipment that he won't carry with him. He is excited yet he was concerned that so many of the replacement troops from the 4th Brigade of the 10th Mountain Division have no combat experience. He said they all looked at him and the other team members with an almost reverence. Zach said it was weird but I told him that he should remember his first days.

I can almost breath normally, it is so close.

You are superman, I love you Zach!

Day 30 Dad

Well Zach emailed that he was doing inventory today and tomorrow he will go on to FOB Shank. He is now ready to leave his team is all coming in together so he is happy about that. They are close, they are brothers in arms, they have been through hell together and all want to come back together. There is a close knit bond between these men, they are forever linked through necessity and now just because.

My heart is still pounding movement in Afghanistan is never easy so prayers are still important. The hours are getting short and as Zach said he "can feel the cool air of the German fall".

You are my hero, you are superman and I love you Zach!

Day 32

Mom – Day 32

Zach emailed me several days ago (both Dal and I) but I did not email him back as of yet. I will email him but I was so mad at him that I didn’t want to say anything that I would regret. Whether I disagree with him is not my call anymore, I have to support him. All we can do as parents of our kids that are now adults is pray that we did a decent job and that we gave them the essential tools needed to be good people. I pray that one week from today I hear from him telling me he is out of Afghanistan.

I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Day 33 Dad

Still waiting for word from Zach that he has moved to FOB Shank, not sure when that is supposed to happen but his phone is there so we can't talk to him until he has his phone. He wrote on some friends facebook pages yesterday but that is all I have. We are so close now moments are like hours, days are like years. As I walked with Jack today all I could think about in the cool breeze is what is like where Zach is? I really just want to be with him and protect him like I did when he was little. Now he would have to protect me there.

I won't felt better until I know he is safe and right now it is really hard. Day by day, try to put on a happy face.

You are superman, I love you Zach.

Day 34 Dad

Six International Security Assistance Force personnel have been killed in the last 2 days. It does not seem that the taliban is taking a break or seeking peace. The struggle to stay focused is very labored now. All I can think about is Zach finally getting out of there. But all the time as the casualties mount my heart goes out to those families. I saw that a ISAF soldier was killed in Zach's area today, but the French were reporting that it was a French soldier. While I was relieved I felt guilt as well because of my feelings of relief that the soldier was not an American.

How sad that we feel this over and over. I have a very special son, he volunteered for the army in a time of war, he knew that he would be sent to Afghanistan yet onward he pressed. He never backed down to any challenge he is the epitome of what anyone would want in a son. Then when he was already off the combat line he volunteered to go back because his friends were still out there. But due to that we continue to worry, my stomach remains unsettled, I worry continuously. We are so close, we are so close.

My prayers will continue, and my faith continues. Zach will be out of there soon laughing with his friends in Germany. Soon he will be skiing and maybe our lives all of us will level out, not necessarily normal as I am not sure what that is.

You are superman, you are my hero, I love you Bud!

Day 35 Dad

I told Zach don’t volunteer for anything in the military. Of course the volunteer is part of the training, joining, airborne, half the stuff he does is volunteer. But then he was at FOB Shank, and while it was a pain there to deal with all of the garrison dwellers who have never been out side the wire you are still sleeping in a bed every night with enough to eat and you are warm. Now he is going out on a multi day mission in the mountains, no cold weather gear and seems to be stressed. The new unit arriving is not taking over the mission load quick enough so they are still conducting the missions. I felt like screaming you were out and chose to get on a helicopter going back up there – WHY???? Well we know why he is stubborn like his mother and loyal to those with whom he serves.

When I told Lisa about his latest email it sounded like she was mad at me. I am the one who told him just stay at Shank. He said it slowing down, but 4 ISAF or Nato service members were killed in action yesterday, I did not get their nationality but it was in eastern Afghanistan where I believe the 101st Airborne has been operating. So we worry again and now he is cold and lacking equipment but back out on the missions – perfect. I know my son, I admire his courage and loyalty to his friends, but sometimes you have to just let it roll. He was upset about all of the people in shank telling him what to do and that money of them have never left the friendly confines of the now huge post in Central Afghanistan. Sometimes you just have to buck up, deal with it! Maturity is sometimes a slow process despite the appearances on the boy.

You are my hero, you are superman, I love you Zach!

Day 36

Mom – Day 36

I am so upset and frustrated with Zach. Did he not learn!!!! You never never volunteer for anything. Zach was already at FOB Shank, why didn’t he stay there? No, he had to go back out to do more missions and that is exactly what he is doing now. Does anyone really care that he decided to go back in the field – I don’t think so. Is he really making a difference, I don’t really know? Soldiers are still getting killed, he is still out there fighting AND he is not properly equipped – he sent all of his gear back except for the ‘essential’ things, which did not include his winter gear. I cannot yell at him or tell him – “WHY DIDN’T YOU LISTEN TO YOUR PARENTS !!!!”, one would think that he would of figured this out by now. I was so overwhelmed when I heard that he was done with his combat missions, only for him to volunteer to go back out there. He needs to get out of there! Karzai is fooling himself thinking that one can negotiate with people like the Taliban – what is there to negotiate??? Will Karzai ask the Taliban not to hang the children, or gas the girl schools, or throw acid in the faces of the young girl students, or not to literally tear people into pieces. It is like asking Hitler to use a little less gas in a concentration camp.

Zach stay focused, I love you
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Day 38 Dad

Got an email from Zach today he said he is ready to leave. Time which has sometimes seemed to go so fast now is slowing, I am tired getting cranky, busy at work busy with football I think I need a break! I need some down time not being sick, not worrying just being!

You are superman, I love you Zach!

Day 39 Dad

Each day brings the day Zach leaves Afghanistan, but it is so difficult to be patient. Zach sent an email describing the conversion to fall that is occurring there. The beautiful sunset the cool air, the smell of winter. He indicated that he is down to about 11 days, left in COP Carwile. I thought you had left already and then volunteered to go back. But he is dedicated to his team his brothers and didn't feel right not being there with them until they all left. And leave they will very soon, but it does not change the stress and feeling of anxiety that Lisa and I feel.
Zach said the non local taliban members were beginning to leave for the winter, very much like when he arrived but somehow it was always active. His concerns again involved the unit that is replacing his. On one hand they can't arrive soon enough and on the other hand my heart goes out to them and their loved ones who will endure the continuous worry and stress that this brings to everyone. God bless them!

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and not clothed. This world in arms is not spending money alone. It is spending the sweat of its laborers, the genius of its scientists, the hopes of its children. This is not a way of life at all in any true sense. Under the cloud of threatening war, it is humanity hanging from a cross of iron." Dwight D. Eisenhower

You are superman, you are my hero I love you with all my heart Zach.

Day 41

Mom – Day 41

Today Dal and I went to a birthday party. The party was for one of my friend. I got to know her because Zach and her son grew up together. I watched all the people that were around my friend Beth and I was so impressed at how she was surrounded by so many people that care for her. I have written in my blog about Beth. She is someone that I work with who always makes it a point to seek me out and ask me about Zach and how I am doing. She has always been a support for me at my work where sometimes I feel isolated with my thoughts and feelings. I looked at her and I started thinking about how she is such a positive person and such a loving person. I am so happy to have her as a friend. She has been one of my crutches this year. I am so fortunate to have friends like her – thank you Zach for being friends with her son Sam.

I love you Zach.
xoxoxoxoxoxox

Day 42

Mom – Day 42

I don’t know if I should count down the days until Zach leaves Afghanistan. I have been disappointed so many times. I remember, as if it were yesterday, Zach with his Platypus and his Huggables (monkey) stuffed animals. Zach was also the one that slept with us in our bed until we couldn’t fit and then he slept on the floor in his sleeping bag next to us in our bedroom. It was Victoria that was quick to be independent. Now I hear about Zach sleeping outside and his childhood is behind him. Things change even if I am not willing to accept the change.

I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Day 43 Dad

I emailed back and forth with Zach today, he is back up in the mountains at a little Combat Out Post but in his mind he is ready to leave Afghanistan. He is brainstorming various money making ideas for life after the Army. I am certain he will be a millionaire some day as he has that drive and determination that has pushed so many Americans to financial success. I just hope he is still focused on the task at hand since he is at the outpost.

Paratrooper Creed:

I volunteered as a parachutist, fully realizing the hazards of my chosen service and by my actions will always uphold the prestige, honor and high esprit-de-corps of the only volunteer branch of the Army.

I realize that a parachutist is not merely a soldier who arrives by parachute to fight, but is an elite shock trooper and that his country expects him to march farther and faster, to fight harder, to be more self-reliant, and to soldier better than any other soldier. Parachutists of all allied armies belong to this great brotherhood.

I shall never fail my fellow comrades by shirking any duty or training, but will always keep myself mentally and physically fit and shoulder my full share of the task, whatever it may be.

I shall always accord my superiors fullest loyalty, and I will always bear in mind the sacred trust I have in the lives of the men I will lead into battle.

I shall show other soldiers by my military courtesy to my superior officers and noncommissioned officers, by my neatness of dress, by my care of my weapons and equipment, that I am a picked and well-trained soldier.

I shall endeavor always by my soldierly appearance, military bearing and behavior, to reflect the high standards of training and morale of parachute troops.

I shall respect the abilities of my enemies, I will fight fairly and with all my might. Surrender is not in my creed.

I shall display a higher degree of initiative than is required of the other troops and will fight on to my objective and mission, though I be the lone survivor.

I shall prove my ability as a fighting man against the enemy on the field of battle not by quarreling with my comrades in arms or by bragging about my deeds, thus needlessly arousing jealousy and resentment against parachute troops.

I shall always realize that battles are won by an Army fighting as a team, that I fight and blaze the path into battle for others to follow and to carry the battle on.

I belong to the finest fighting unit in the Army. By my appearance, actions, and battlefield deeds alone, I speak for my fighting ability. I will strive to uphold the honor and prestige of my outfit, making my country proud of me and the unit to which I belong.

This is why he went back up to be with his team who is still in the mountains. They are brothers now "for he who sheds his blood with me today shall be my brother" the St Crispin's day speech means so much to America's elite soldiers.

You are superman, I love you Zach.

Day 44 Dad

In 2006 Lance Corporal Mathew Smith was laid to rest, a marine who died serving his country in Iraq. On that morning members of the Westboro Baptist Church of Topeka Kansas, picketed the funeral. Their beef is that they believe that soldiers are somehow dying to protect gays. Albert Snyder, Mathew’s father has been engaged in a long court battle with the group that has now found it’s way to the Supreme Court. The issue is whether the 1st Amendment which grants them freedom of speech supercedes the need for privacy of the family of this marine.

“"This case is about a little church in Topeka, Kansas, engaging in public speech on a public right-of-way, about issues of vital public interest and importance," lawyer Margie Phelps wrote to the court defending the protests. She is also the daughter of church founder Fred Phelps and will argue the case before the justices.”

“Westboro's website says the legal dispute is about the "sovereignty of the Living God" and that those who fail to live up to God's standards should be punished. Phelps explains that their decision to picket funerals "is to use an available public platform, when the living contemplate death, to deliver the message that there is a consequence for sin." That sin in their view is homosexuality and all government policies they think support homosexuals.”

While I am all for the freedom of speech at some point common sense must start being a part of our normal daily lives. While the constitution does protect the freedom of speech it does not however protect the outright abuse of freedom as practiced by this “little church from Topeka”. Just as you will see me write and rail against those on the left who don’t understand that all of our freedoms granted under the constitution are subsequently protected by our military. Again the only reason they have the freedom to be the idiots they are being is due to a long military heritage that has shed too much blood to protect to have these loons denegrate their memory.

Where is our country going? What are our soldiers fighting for – for this? To be protested, to be thought of as less than a hero because you fight for all people? Jesus said, “what you do unto the least of my brethren you do unto me!” Do these idiots not even follow the bible or do they believe that people who are gay are less than human? What a sad testimony to the way they live their lives to not even know that Jesus was about love, not hatred. What about “Judge not for ye shall be judged”? Who do they think they are? It appears to me that Reverend Phelps thinks that he is above god, and can single-handedly decide what God’s interpretation should be, I think we call this heresy.

Martin Luther King, said in the I Have a Dream Speech that he could see a day when blacks were judged on the content of their character and not the color of their skin.” I have often said that this is one of the most incredible statements made by man in the history of the world. It has so many applications, anyone gay, straight, black or white, young or old, Democrat or Republican should be looked at via the content of their character and not the word that defines them. If we as a society could get to this point then the rest would fall into place.

Unfortunately we have not reached that point, we still label others, and seek fairness without first defining fairness. For without definition there is not fairness there is no justice there is no law. The definition begins with our constitution and it’s application through common sense which has become a rarer commodity than the dodo bird. I continue to be sickened by the utter arrogance of so many who feel they know better, they and only they know how the rest of us should live. Freedom is of choice not freedom from choice, in all forms.

Shame on these mis-guided people from the Westboro Baptist Church, may God forgive them for the harm they seem to want to portend onto others.

You are superman, I love you Zach!

Day 45 Dad

The Soldier's Creed

I am an American Soldier.
I am a Warrior and a member of a team.
I serve the people of the United States and live the Army Values.
I will always place the mission first.
I will never accept defeat.
I will never quit.
I will never leave a fallen comrade.
I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.
I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.
I am an expert and I am a professional.
I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.
I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.
I am an American Soldier.

Not just a job but an adventure. You are superman, I love you Zach!

Day 47 Dad

As I walked outside just minutes ago I could feel the cool fall air sweeping into the valley.. Soon the warmer days of fall will continue to shrink toward winter. The crisp air will turn cold and snow is sure to follow. I thought of Zach having sent most of his gear back to Germany and yet going out into the field again and again, is he warm? I don't know and that is part of a constant worry, the reason for my now slightly graying hair. However I saw the movie Invictus again as Lisa bought me the movie about Nelson Mandela and the South African Rugby team. It is truly a wonderful story and brought my attention to this poem whose lines were recited by thousands who struggled with war and the fight for freedom....

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

William Ernest Henley

Zach you are my hero, you are superman and I love you with all my heart!

Day 47

Mom – Day 47

So I sent Zach an email telling him that it is so stressful to hear that he was going back out to the field. I held back how UPSET I was because I don’t want to give him more things to think about. He did respond to my email yesterday
“Re: I love you
Aye mom, My team is still out there. ……….It’s my job mom but I only have like 3 weeks left. Remember I wanted to go back, I asked not to stay I know what I am doing! I know its stressful but know that I am a squared away paratrooper one of the best. Have a good day mom I am gonna go ride a helicopter in a few minutes.

Love you”

I did delete some of his email. What can I do but do what I have been doing – saying my prayers.

I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Day 48 Dad

Just another day, another day, and another day, I don't have the energy to write much today. Not a bad day just a long day, waiting and waiting for .....

The funny thing about honor, duty and commitment is that sometimes .. you just want safety and security but then you can't have one without the other.

You are superman I love you Zach!

Day 49 Dad

Well it is official, Zach said today in an email that he is headed back to the Command outpost and will again conduct combat missions. He said he couldn't take being in a garrison type environment like Forward Operating Base Shank where so many just talk about the field and few actually experience it. He said, his team and the infantry boys are out there he should be with them.

Lisa is not happy, so for the short term it is more of the same!

Zach stay alert on edge and be vigilant, you are my hero, you are superman and I love you!