Friday, April 30, 2010

Day 200

Mom – Day 200

Zach, 200 days left! I wish I could control time but I know that I cannot. I’ve realized that there are things in life that cannot be controlled. I cannot control the fact that Zach is over there, a place he volunteered to be a part of. I can control how I deal with it. These 365 days will have altered many lives, to include mine.

I love you Zach

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Dad 201

Keep on keeping on Zach. I love you and miss you! You are superman!

Day 201

Mom - Day 201

I just came back from Costa Rica with my students. I was really dreading the fact that I had to go when I had so much on my plate but God had something else on his mind for me. I had a few opportunities to chat with Zach and he was so happy that I was in C.R., a place that holds many memories for him. He made me feel good about being there, like I was there for him. Zach told me not to worry about him so much, he was okay. He also told me to plan a trip for him, for next year when he exits the military. I say God had a plan for me because he surrounded me by circumstances and people that made me carry my burdens in a different way. I was at a point in my life that I thought I could never return from and I was exhausted. After today, I will still have another 200 days to write about. This blog site has had over 4000 hits - I am not sure what is to come but I pray that God will keep on reminding me to have faith, and to believe in what I can do. The actions of one person can be very powerful.
I love you Zach

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Dad 202

Lisa sent me a message she was so happy that she was able to talk to Zach via facebook messaging for a few minutes. I found it interesting when I was talking to him on Sunday when he said the sound of mortar attacks don't even bother him anymore. He said at the combat outpost he is at there are Navy construction workers who are building some permanent structures. Well a mortar attack started and the Navy personnel not used to the sound of the explosions ran into the bunkers. Zach said that he and another paratrooper asked them what they were doing and then told them the rounds aren't even close. Unbelievable what you get used to! Another reason why these young men and women are America's finest remember to keep each and every one of them in your prayers.

You are superman Zach, I love you so much bud!

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Dad 203

Not a whole lot to say today just tired and ill and tired of feeling ill and tired! Just feeling alone!!!!

I love you Zach you are superman!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Dad 204

Another day down, sometimes that is all it is - is a countdown. I wonder what is going on where Zach is right now, is he asleep, is he on a guard duty, prepping for a mission or on a mission. We really don't know we just have faith each and every day that everything is ok! Imagine if we did not have the constant access that we have how different it would be! Is beneficial to us or is does it make it harder I am not sure but I do know that I look forward to hearing from him so for me it is a benefit. "Give me you tired, your poor your huddled masses" I wonder if we as a nation would have survived if we had to do it all over again with today's population! Freedom not a word nut an ideal, the flag not just a symbol but representative of an ideal which inspired our national anthem. It seems that too many folks today just want to bad mouth America and only want for themselves despite the rhetoric of fairness. The man who many hold as one of the greatest John F Kennedy said "Ask not what your country can do for you, but ask what can I do for my country!" What have you done lately? Godbless you Zach and all the soldiers, marines, airmen and naval forces standing on the forefront of freedom, answering the call of what you can do for your country! You are superman, I love you bud, and miss you!

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Dad 205

I got to talk to Zach today for nearly an hour. It was so nice he is such a special person like his mother fiery - yet sensitive. He has an interesting temperament forged by the melding of the Scottish attitude and the Mexican temper! He is so enthusiastic and animated about all he does. We had a great talk and I needed it probably as much as he did. I miss you so much Zach you are superman! Keep up the great work keep keep on keeping on, I love you bud!

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Dad 206

Just another day, missing everyone! I messaged with Zach for a little while it never seems like enough! I watched bits and pieces of the the NFL draft somehow it is not the same, Zach and I would watch that or least continually check out the Patriots picks, it is hard to watch now, just like the Red Sox. I am not sure a son and a father can be any closer he is my bud, I miss him dearly. I just want to go fishing!!!! Thats enough today I don't feel like writing much. "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free." Ronald Reagan

You are superman Zach! I love you!

Friday, April 23, 2010

Dad 207

I talked to Zach a little last night. It is hard to write back and forth with him as when he is on so many want to talk to him! He seems to be doing ok so that makes me feel better. I was glad to hear that the second Navy Seal who was on trial for allegedly beating up a high profile captured terrorist. With no physical evidence other than the bad guys fat lip which could have been self inflicted they put these guys on trial. What is wrong with this administration. This should have been looked at by an admiral and then dismissed. This bad guy burned captured Americans alive and hung their bodies from a bridge! He is lucky the Seals just didn't kill him. I wonder sometimes whose side this administration is on! It scares me that I believe they look at our troops as nothing more than expendable political pawns. Be strong superman, keep on keeping on and do what you have to do. But come home safe and sound, I love you Zach!

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Dad 208

"Every human being on this earth is born with a tragedy, and it isn't original sin. He's born with the tragedy that he has to grow up. That he has to leave the nest, the security, and go out to do battle. He has to lose everything that is lovely and fight for a new loveliness of his own making, and it's a tragedy. A lot of people don't have the courage to do it." Helen Hayes. Oh how you Zach has grown up, he is writing the next chapter of his life. I am looking forward to that chapter, him in school and closer to home. Being able to go fishing, just simply to go fishing would be so nice right now. Or golfing and then stopping at Taco Bell where he would get a chalupa and I would get a grilled stuft burrito then keep quiet so mom doesn't know. I miss that and can't wait to do it again. I love you so much Zach and I miss you! You are superman I love you bud!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Dad 209

I talked to Zach this morning and it was so nice. He is always the boy worrying about buying stuff and excited about new equipment. He was frustrated at various issues that anyone who has been in the Army is very familiar with. The words SNAFU and FUBAR are words based on life in the military! He is incredible as are all of these young men and women. Then this evening after my daily walk with Jack I went over to George and Barbara Neagle's for a delicious dinner of burgers, beans and potato salad. It was so nice to sit and talk at dinner and laugh. I miss everyone so much! Zach you are superman, you are my hero and I love you!

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Dad 210

Zach wrote on facebook today but I would like to talk to him. I am never on when he is and it is frustrating. I saw Kippy Pingree's father and Kippy who is a Marine in the Helmand province is coming home for R&R. I hope I get to see him I call him the Cosmic Muffin. I often think of the thousands of families who are living as we do day to day waiting to hear some news. I pray each day for this to be over and all of our young men and women can come home! Until then I love you Superman, Zach you are my hero and I miss you. I Love you bud!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Dad 211

Amazing I read on line that Gen McChrystal is concerned about the number of civilian deaths, "We have shot an amazing number of people, but to my knowledge, none has ever proven to be a threat," said Gen. Stanley A. McChrystal! I don't want to see innocents die, but I don't want to loose Americans either. Amazing now I know this is politics but come-on! So is he saying that everyone we have killed is a innocent bystander? If his worries are that great for the Afghan people why doesn't he ensure that our troops are fed and have the proper equipment to do the job! I don't hear him complaining to the New York Times about that. Kids and families buying equipment is unacceptable General! I have to be honest I worry about our leadership if the guy in charge is as reckless as this when talking about our troops. I am sure that he will say the NY Times took this out of context except that I have heard that he did say it and that the troops are not happy! I care about our troops and want them home safe and sound, why doesn't Gen McCrystal worry about that! He has our treasured family over there! Finish the job and bring them home!

I love you Zach and you are superman, I miss you so very much!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Dad 212

Another day down and a day closer to Zach being home safe and sound! I didn't talk to Zach this weekend so it will be a long week thinking about him! I miss you so much superman. You are my bud, I love you Zach!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Dad 213

I took a long walk with Jack today, it was so quiet with the new fallen snow, but it was so beautiful! The time I spend walking is a time of reflection and resurgence for me. My mind always races and I think so many thoughts, but always I return to my family and especially Zach! I miss you so much bud and you are in my thoughts and prayers each and every day! Stay strong superman, I love you bud!

Friday, April 16, 2010

Dad 214

I was going through some stuff to throw out in a small old note book I used for going out on business calls I saw something that pretty much made me cry! On the 1st page of the little binder when you opened it up it read, “Have a good day #1 Dad love you Zach”. It was written in his little chicken scratch writing, and funny he put the h on Zach as most often he does not. He is not far from being that little boy and I can’t believe that now he is so far away and in the military! He and I have always left each other little notes of encouragement, most often the notes pertained to sports and school but really anything was open as I would pass on whatever wisdom I have accumulated and gained some from my Dad. Today I needed that note, probably 6 to 8 years after he wrote I still needed that note. Call me an old sap but I truly love my family and I love being with them. I enjoy the hustle and bustle, I enjoy the raucous activity. I have thoroughly enjoyed all of our extended family kids from all over the world they all are in my heart. The hustle allows me to enjoy moments of relaxation as I have a hard time just sitting to relax. Normally, I enjoy the moments of solitude that I have now with everyone gone. But maybe not so much this year! Lisa has headed to Costa Rica and I do feel alone with my kids spread out over the globe and my son in harm’s way. Somehow I feel old! Very Strange!

You are superman, I love you Zach!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Dad 215

Saw Bob Marley the Maine comedian tonight. I laughed so hard for over an hour it was so nice. It was a great release. You always wish for something more, like Zach here with me to enjoy it. It makes you appreciate everything. Don't sweat the small stuff suck it up and drive on! I love you Zach!!!

Day 215

Mom – Day 215

At least I got to chat with Zach on Skype. I have been super busy lately and I am watching the time because it creeps up on me. I am off to Costa Rica in a couple of hours and I haven’t slept in two days because of work. I have some great friends that go out of their way to help. I may be tired but knowing Zach is okay right now helps me out.

I love you Zach

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Day 217, 216

Mom – Day 217, 216

I have been working all night so I didn’t notice that it was after midnight. I really wanted to speak to Zach before I went to Costa Rica, I hope I get that opportunity. I haven’t had time to think or dwell on anything because I have been so busy – I hope something comes of this and I don’t regret it. I am happy that my girlfriend Rachel volunteered to help me these last couple of weeks. Without Rachel and Carol helping me out at school I am not sure I could do it.

For the readers of this Blog, please say extra prayers because I think I am falling behind. Thank you.

I love you Zach and miss you.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Day 218

Mom – Day 218

I chatted with Zach on Facebook last night. He said he couldn’t Skype and he thought I might be able to get in touch with him today or tomorrow. I don’t see him available tonight so I am not sure if I will get a chance to speak to him. I have been working late so I don’t have the time or energy to catch up with the news. I have a couple more days before I am off to CR, I hope people remind Dal to keep up with the Blog.

I love you Zach

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Day 219

Mom – Day 219

I am very busy doing stuff for work but I need to stop for a few minutes to write this blog. In a few days I will be going to go to Costa Rica with some students. It is always a lot of work but usually I find a little fun in doing it. - In Costa Rica it is fun to be able to speak Spanish 24/7, I miss this - I travel a lot and I enjoy learning about new things. This time I am really dreading it. I think that is some of the reason that I have been down a lot. I don’t know if I will miss a call or maybe I won’t be able to get Internet access on a regular basis. I shouldn’t worry about things I can’t control.

Other than knowing that Zach has been cold – “freezing his a… off” – at night, I don’t know anything else. Well, that isn’t true, I know that he was okay and able to communicate a bit.

I love you Zach, goodnight, or good-morning for you.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Day 220

Mom – Day 220

I noticed that Zach put something on Facebook. I am happy to see some movement because this way I know that he is okay. I don’t even care if he doesn’t write me, I know that he is okay.

I love you Zach

Friday, April 9, 2010

Day 221

Mom – Day 221

I have been kind of down lately – sometimes the worrying gets to me. Today I went out with some of the girls. I first thought that I shouldn’t go because I have so much to do but it was so nice to have that time to talk and laugh. I feel a little guilty because when I am laughing, I don’t know how Zach is. I do know that I need some down time. I do feel a bit more relaxed. I wish I heard something from Zach so I could know how he is but I know that I must be patient.

I love you Zach

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Dad 222

Courage is something we cannot see, smell, feel or even completely understand yet it abounds all around us! I have thought often about courage because as Americans our history is loaded with tremendous acts of courage! It is found in many forms, for example Martin Luther King and Nelson Mandela demonstrated a great deal of courage in their effort to establish racial equality! The father of our nation showed great courage in separating from Great Britain and ultimately fighting a war for our freedom. Again Abraham Lincoln held our nation together with his courage which cost him his life. From Bunker Hill to New Orleans, Gettysburg to San Juan Hill, the Ardene's to Normandy, Guadalcanal, and Inchon, From Ripcord, Hamburger Hill to Panama, Kuwait, Iraq and now on to the Tangy and Korengal Valleys and Kandahar in Afghanistan courage is a constant companion! John Wayne who was in movies reflective of most of the battles describes courage as "Courage is being scared to death - but saddling up anyway!" Or as Mark Twain said "Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear." Either way it happens everyday in Afghanistan, by kids. Many of these young men are only 19, 20 and 21 years old and yet they go into the wild everyday without hesitation. Zach is one of them and as Lisa has posted earlier go to youtube and check out 173rd Afghanistan 2009/2010. My heart goes out to all the families who live as Lisa and I do those like Mary and Judy who have loved ones deployed. But I know it will be ok because Zach is Superman and there is no Kryptonite in Afghanistan! I love that boy and have the utmost respect for him and all of them. I will close with a quote from Winston Churchill "Here is the answer which I will give to President Roosevelt... We shall not fail or falter; we shall not weaken or tire. Neither the sudden shock of battle nor the long-drawn trials of vigilance and exertion will wear us down. Give us the tools and we will finish the job." Finish the job and come safely my son!

Day 222

Mom – Day 222

So I couldn’t sleep. Between work and worrying about Zach I am having trouble sleeping. I am so tired that I think I will sleep tonight. I pray that Zach is okay.

I love you Zach.

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Day 223

Mom – Day 223

Another long day and I am to tired to look up anything on the Internet – at the moment I don’t really care about the Taliban, the Pashto language or South Asia. I don’t care about any of it. I don’t know what has gotten into me but I can’t stop crying – but I can only cry when I have a moment. I feel like a faucet because I have to turn off my tears from one moment to the next. I don’t have time to cry. One of my girlfriends told me that maybe it is good that I am so busy now because I don’t have time to dwell. Maybe it is true but I want to cry.

I want to thank Rachel and Carol that are really helping me out at work. They do this because they have skills that I need but they really do this because they are helping ME. I know that sometimes people want to help or people don’t know what to do and I want to tell you what you are doing even if you don’t recognize it as such. You tell me that you are keeping the faith for me or praying for Zach – sometimes I know I feel that I can’t do it any longer but I don’t feel so desolate because I know someone is continuing with the prayers. Or last Easter when my in-laws made dinner, I was so grateful because I did NOT want any part of any celebration; or the occasional evening out so that there is some distraction: the call from my brother, just checking in on me; or this embarrassing Blog, knowing that you are reading it and sharing my burden.

I need to finally tell my husband Galen, you are my rock.

I love you Zach

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Day 224

Mom – Day 224

Another day. I am tired today and I have so much work to do. This morning I cried watching Zach’s goofy little video that he put of himself and Shane on Facebook. I have to stay focused because I don’t have time to fall apart. I don’t have time because I have so much work to do but honestly, I think work will continue regardless of the fact that I am there or not. I don’t know why I beat myself up – one day, maybe, I will realize that I can walk away.

I love you Zach.

Monday, April 5, 2010

Day 225

Mom – Day 225

I am still so worried about Zach. I am so worried about him leading a convoy – without his team. If you want to feel some of my worry – just watch a Youtube video for the 173rd Airborne or anything from the conflicts in Afghanistan or Iraq. I hate worrying so much and I am so tired about worrying all the time.

I use to wonder about people that seemed so happy and then you find out – oh, they are getting a divorce, or did you know that so and so is suffering from … - or some other surprising or shocking news. I use to wonder how did I not notice this, or how did everyone miss the signs? Now I realize how easy it is. I think it is so easy to perform your daily duties and go about your obligations and all the while you feel a weight on you just getting heavier and heavier. I think I often don’t notice what my friends, family, and colleagues are going through. I know Zach is confident but I wonder how heavy is his burden, his weight that is on him. I am so sad, I just want him home. I want to close my eyes and open them only when he is out of that place.

I Love you Zach – I wish I were as strong as you – I wish I could trade places with you.
I love you – love your mama

Sunday, April 4, 2010

Day 226

Mom – Day 226

Today is Easter and again I had an opportunity to Skype with Zach. We were cut off often but it was still nice. He said that he didn’t realize that it was Easter until he went to eat. I told him that I was at least glad that he received a Kinder Egg from me before he went back to the Stan.

I know Zach will be heading out soon and I am worried. Zach sounds self-assured but I guess he needs to have that mind set. I worry about him all of the time, I am tired of worrying. I honestly don’t know how parents and loved ones do it for multiple deployments.

I love you Zach

Dad 226

I heard that there was a benefit dinner yesterday for Nate Geisser's Marine unit that is soon deploying to Afghanistan. I knew Nate had graduated with Zach and was worried that something had happened to him, but then heard he had not left for Afghanistan. Then I wondered why a benefit dinner and learned that it was to buy magazines for the units weapons. Wow I thought money for every thing the politicians want to spend on to stay in office but not for equipment for our militry. If these regular folks can raise money to purchase these needed items then the marines certainly could. We continue to ask these young men and women to go into harms way with substandard or missing equipment. It is getting to be a familiar theme and enough is enough. This should not be happening this should be our nations highest priority to properly equip those on the forefront of freedom. I am writing my congressmen, no responses yet but I guess it is time to light a fire under some asses! I bite my tongue often in this blog to keep politics out but I'm getting pissed off. There are a bunch of snot nosed whiney SOB's in this country that need to stop saying "What can my country can do for me" and ask "What can I do for my country" People need to get off their lazy butts and exercise some personal responsibility an idea which is in desperate need of a comeback! The president keeps claiming that without "Obamacare" people are dying in the street. That is BS and he has yet to prove it, they can always go to a clinic or an emergency room. If Nate Geisser's Marine unit is in a fire fight and runs short of magazines where are they going to go for more? Walmart? Cabelas? Ranger Joes? The answer is their butts will be hanging out in the breeze! For me there is nothing more precious than my children and I feel as though the government is not taking their responsibility of seeing that my son is taken care of seriously. This is unacceptable! But the soldiers, marines, airmen and naval forces will continue to do their duty despite the obstacles. God bless them all and I know Zach is superman, and I love him very much!

Saturday, April 3, 2010

Day 227

Mom – Day 228, 227

I haven’t spoken to Zach today or yesterday but I know that he has been chatting quite a bit, especially with a certain young lady. It must be hard to stay in touch via military communications. I hope I get to speak to him tomorrow for Easter.

I love you Zach

Friday, April 2, 2010

Dad 228

Talked to Zach a little today via email! He is still waiting for some equipment before they can leave the FOB with all of these newbies. Maybe the equipment will never come and they will spend the rest of the deployment in the FOB. But just enough equipment will come that will make it possible to go out, probably not all the equipment oh heavens no! My thoughts, prayers and all that is in me is always pulling for Zach, thinking about him and worrying. In all though I know he will be ok and because that is the way it is and he is superman! I love you bud!

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Day 229

Mom – Day 229

I miss Zach and I worry about him.

I love you Zach