Saturday, November 28, 2009

Day 353

Mom – Day 353

Some of Zach’s friends came by last night, visiting with our host daughter, and they spent the night. In the morning, it felt normal with Galen making breakfast for everyone in the house. Everyone was around the table talking, catching up on news and making discussion. Of course, one of the topics of discussion was around Zach, Afghanistan, Muslims ……

Now, with everyone gone, I just wanted to go back to bed and just sleep. I tried going to sleep but I started thinking about all these things that I am unfamiliar with. I started thinking about Hajji, the word Zach kept on using (I eventually asked him who is Hajji and he told me it refers to someone who made the journey to Mecca). Then I starting thinking about words the words / jargon that surround my son. These are words that I am very unfamiliar with because I grew up surrounded by very different religious views, or should I say political views, or should I say a different way of life. You see, in many ways I grew up with certain religious views, certain political views, and certain views of being an appropriate citizen. Many times these overlap but I still can categorize these in my head. When speaking about the culture, faith, political make-up, or the definition of what an appropriate citizen’s view is for the make-up of most of the Middle East and North Africa, I have difficulty categorizing this.

I have so many things going on in my head but I think I need to get out of bed. I wish I could just tell my brain to stop or slow down for just a bit – and I wish I could tell my body to get motivated. I just can’t help it, in reality I don’t want to do anything I want to sit in a corner and cry and for all of this to just go away. I want to understand the whys of this war – and whose war is it??? I hope my daughter understands that I love her and I apologize for being so consumed with all of this. I think some of this will subside when I write “ Mom – Day 1 and then Mom - Day 0”.

I love you Zach – Be safe

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