Day 289

Mom – Day 289

I had the opportunity to speak to Zach today. He texted my sister telling her he wanted to hear from us. It is funny that she can receive his texts and she can send texts to him (if it goes through) but we can’t. – Well anyways, I am glad that I didn’t know what he was doing yesterday or where he was going because I wouldn’t have been able to sleep. Those convoys make me nervous. He did mention how they passed Kabul and how he was amazed by it. We didn’t have much time for him to talk about it (because that piece really interests me) but he said that he saw a women’s university, people in button-up shirts and houses – real houses, not made of mud. He also said the further he went from Kabul the further you went back in time. At the end of our conversation I told him that I loved him and for him to stay safe, and he said that he needed to be smart and STAY ALIVE. Staying alive is their motivator.

I love you Zach – Please Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Day 290

Mom – Day 290

Zach called today but unfortunately, we didn’t notice the call until two hours later. His message said that he was headed out and we wouldn’t be able to talk to him. What does that mean, I have no idea. Should I be worried, again I don’t know. I am thinking he was in a hurry because he only called Galen’s cell phone. I have some ideas what he might of meant but only time will tell me if I was right. Frustrated but not surprised.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

Day 291

Mom – Day 291

Today is Friday and another weekend has started. I already Skyped with one of my host children, I look forward to catching up with all of them. The weekend, especially Sunday, seems to be the time for me to reconnect with people. The workweek is Work. I do enjoy what I do for a living but for now, it is just work. I sometimes feel like I work on autopilot. I believe I am good at what I do but I don’t have my heart into it – I can’t wait until Zach is home. I do thank God that I do have a job and one I enjoy, a good home and a loving family. I have nothing to complain about when I look at the faces of the innocent people of Haiti.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

291 Dad

Unbelievable apparently there are some face book groups that are anti US troops! Vulgarity directed at troops who actually have of off their buts to defend the cause of freedom. Probably the same people if threatened would cry for the police or military to protect them. Once again freedom does not nor never has grown on trees. It has been fought for and bleed for both in seeking freedom and protecting it. This knuckleheads should just hope they don't meet me I might have to exercise my freedom of expression! "Freedom is never more than one generation away from extinction. We didn't pass it to our children in the bloodstream. It must be fought for, protected, and handed on for them to do the same, or one day we will spend our sunset years telling our children and our children's children what it was once like in the United States where men were free.
- Ronald Reagan
Never realized this man's wisdom when he was president! So glad I later learned of it! Thank you Zach for your defense of freedom! You are superman I love you bud!

Day 292

Mom – Day 292

To date, for the month of January, there have been 26 American deaths. Last year, there were 14 American deaths in January. I heard on the news (but I can’t find this on-line when I was trying to read up on this) that the Taliban was involved in talks about putting down their arms. This was said to have happened this month in Dubai. I don’t know if I believe this. In fact, I don’t know that I will ever come to understand any of this.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxo

Day 293

Mom – Day 293

I have not heard from anyone. I don’t have any new news today. I wish it were day zero. Isn’t it sad to say that I want 293 days to go by quickly? I know I said yesterday that I enjoy the flowers in my yard but right now I don’t want to stop to smell the roses. I want time to fly.

I love you Zach and I miss you – Be Safe
Love your Mama
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Day 294

Mom – Day 294

I go back to yesterday’s blog. For some reason, I have been reflecting a lot. Again, what I write in this blog comes from a different Lisa. I like science, black and white, textbooks, reason NOT theory, reflection, affection, novels and all of that mushy stuff. For some reason, due to circumstance, this different Lisa has emerged. – Okay, so back to yesterday. What makes you happy? This is a question that many of us have. I may not be where I thought I would be in life at this age in my life but I can’t help but think that I do not regret any of my moves/choices in life, to include some bad decisions I have made. I don’t regret any of these because if I had changed something then it would of altered the sequence of events that have brought me to where I am. I think we all desire something more and we all think that the grass is greener on the other side but I enjoy the flowers in my own backyard and I enjoy the grass that I walk on. I love my family. I am proud of my children and I love them even with their flaws. I pray for you Zach and I too am proud of you.


I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox

294 Dad

Well another day has come and gone and another day closer to ETS. ETS is Estimated Time of Separation from the Army! It will have been a great experience for Zach but better when you are talking about it in the past, at least for parents. I had a dentist appointment yesterday and told the dentist I was having problems with my jaw and he asked if I had any stress ..... hmmm just a little! Several weeks ago my diverticulitis flared up and the first thing the doc asked is if you have been eating right do you have some unusual stress in your life hmmmm.. that word again. I wonder how many of our ills are attributable to stress life is stress, but we all keep on keeping on.... you are superman, and I love you so much bud.

Day 295

Mom – Day 295

Does anyone every wonder what our purpose is, why are we here? What would my life be like if I didn’t have children. What would occupy my time, my mind? I cannot imagine not having children. Children somehow take over our insides. They mess with our emotions – happy, sad, confused, and frustrated; and they somehow get into every part of our body. Children never seem to grow up because one never stops worrying about them. I wonder if I am going to be one of those overpowering mothers that meddle into the lives of my children. I love being a mother but I hate that we always have to worry. Being a parent you always feel responsible for your kids even when you get to the point that you can’t control what they do. At the end of the day, I would not trade my life for a life without them.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Day 296

Mom – Day 296

Another day goes by. My sister tried to contact Zach today but she couldn’t get in touch with him. I did notice he was online! I know Zach is at the FOB so I do feel a bit better – but I also remember he is still in Afghanistan.

A few blogs ago, I spoke about Karachi and the madrassas there. Needing to keep myself busy (aside from work), I find that I am still searching for answers – knowing that I will always be looking for answers. I found the following video clip interesting. The clip talks about the Taliban and Pashtuns. The Pashtuns are in Iran, Afghanistan and Pakistan. Many of the Pashtuns – speaking primarily of the young – were schooled in some extreme madrassas in Pakistan (so I don’t understand how Pakistan, our ally, gave birth to many of these Talibans that we are fighting??) ---- Do the Taliban represent the Pashtuns? ---- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uLCf-A9IvB4

I don’t know, maybe I don’t understand the dynamics.

In the meantime, I see the faces of the Haitians that have lost everything. Life is so fragile.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxo

Day 297

Mom – Day 297

What a wonderful day. Today was one of those days that remind me that there are some things in life that don’t have a price tag. Today I spoke to Zach about all sorts of things ☺ He mentioned to me that it is beautiful in Afghanistan and that the culture is so rich. He would like to experience it without all the fighting, just for the good things it has to offer. He also said that these people have the right to live like you and me but unfortunately, there are people that don’t believe that. Back here, home in Maine, was a perfect day, also beautiful. I went outside and went snowshoeing with the dog and then did some cross country skiing. I was out back on the pond and it was so beautiful and peaceful. Forget “On Golden Pond”, being outside on a beautiful winter day can take anyone’s stress away and for those moments in time, feel so alive. The only thing that could have made it better is if I had my family around me.

I wish you and your sister were with me, I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxxo

Day 298

Mom – Day 298

I called Zach today and he answered his phone. It was kind of late for him but at least I got to speak to him for about two minutes. He did sound good. He is at his FOB right now but it sounded like he was ready to get back to do another mission. As much as I hate it, I think he feels that he is doing his job when he is out there.

Zach I love you – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxox

Day 299

Mom – Day 299

I missed a call from Zach today. I hate it when I miss his calls (this is only the second time he has called me during the day).

Zach being in Afghanistan has made me want to learn more about that country and its people. I am always asking why there are so many people that hate people even if they don’t know them – all this hate based on assumptions. This made me think of the Karachi brothers. If you have not heard of them, they are two American brothers that were sent to Pakistan to a madrassa. The Karachi brothers were followed for four years, throughout their stay in this madrassa. If you don’t have time to follow up on this, try to watch a Youtube clip - "Karachi Kids" Trailer: Documentary About American Boys in Madrassa - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1V3bB_BxQ4&feature=related

I want to also say that the homeless and grieving people of Haiti are in my heart. Also special prayers for Zach, Shane, Robert, Kippy, Joe and even Cheny – a few of our loved ones in the military.

I love you Zach – Be Careful
xoxoxoxoxoxo

299 Dad

Had a good night last night Matt and Becky Blethen dear friends of ours stopped by as they were traveling east. It was like we had never been apart the jabbing the laughing this is always the case with them and it feels good! Talked to Zach today, and he told me he does have a Bible reference on his Advanced Combat Optical Gunsight, which is standard issue to U.S. special operations forces. His has "JN8:12," a reference to John 8:12: "Then spake Jesus again unto them, saying, 'I am the light of the world: he that followeth me shall not walk in darkness, but shall have the light of life." I personally see nothing wrong with this and really can't help it if Muslims are offended, it does not matter to them if I believe the Burkha is a sign of subservience! I am glad that my son carries a prayer with him every day! What has happened to us? I love you Zach, you are superman!

Day 300

Mom – Day 300

Today is the last day that I write a 3 as the first number. I am so happy that tomorrow I will start with a new digit!

Tonight I have some friends coming over to visit. They live quite a distance from us but they are one of our oldest “family” friends. Our families have known each other since we were all in the military living in Berlin and our children were babies. We have gone through a lot over the years so it is comforting to see them today. Many times I feel that we don’t need to talk and we can still understand and feel one another’s happiness and pain. I will say that there is one thing the military has given my family; that is an extended military family.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxo

301 Dad

I spoke to Zach for nearly an hour yesterday it was nice to not talk of being in the field, but he was in good spirits hanging out on his bunk talking about just things. He had finally received his Christmas present though I had let the cat out of the bag weeks earlier he was still excited. He actually received a dozen or so boxes and I thought how nice, it is almost like Christmas morning every time he receives a package, what’s in it, what’s good to eat? It is special for him and he deserves that considering what he has to endure to receive this “special treatment.” I hope that all soldiers are receiving packages and they are as excited as he is to get them. 19 years old, in a foreign land, carrying a rifle and constantly surrounded by many who would not be his friend to say the least and he is still a little boy at heart. That is Zach, always mischievous and up to something he must get that from his mother. He is my bud and I miss him so much and I look forward to fishing and hunting with him along with all the other things we enjoy and took for granted, just to watch a Pats, Sox, Bruins or Celtics game together. I guess we learn what is important and who in our life is important. You are Superman I love you bud!

Day 301

Mom – Day 301

Two more of our military were killed in Southern Afghanistan. As I was reading this story in the news, I was also drawn to another article where a mother and four children were killed with a roadside bomb. How can the Taliban justify this? It is so easy to kill when you don’t care who you kill, friend, foe or yourself! I thought with winter upon us the fighting would slow down. I guess a relatively mild winter in Afghanistan is a reason for the continued fighting. I keep on thinking about the soldiers that were killed recently (remember my gut feeling). I keep thinking about their thoughts, the vehicle they were in – or as Zach said, their tomb – and the survivors that witnessed all of this. Tonight, I will add two more families to my prayers.

Zach, I love you - Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxo

Day 302

Mom – Day 302

Galen and I had a chance to speak to Zach today for almost an hour. It was nice to just talk. We talked about many things but he wanted to hear about Maine and any news from here. He said that he had lost track of the day – but now he is at his FOB. Zach said that his FOB almost doubled in numbers since he first arrived. There are quite a few military personnel from different branches of the military.

After I spoke to my son today, I felt better. I cleaned and worked all day. I am tired right now but I feel like I was productive today.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxox

Day 303

Mom – Day 303

Today I had to drop off my daughter at the airport; she is going back to school. I don’t think she realizes how much she helped me during this past month but I am so grateful. It is funny that here I am the parent, and my daughter is the one that helped me. She kept me busy and focused (most of the time).

I still have not heard from Zach.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Day 304

Mom – Day 304

How stupid am I for yesterday’s blog! Right now I don’t care – my FIRST concern is having our boys back, safe, in our arms!

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxox

Day 305

Mom – Day 305

I have been thinking a lot about comments that I heard from some of my friends. I have been thinking a lot about a comment Mary made on this blog and another friend of mine – along the same lines. The comments were about how events in someone’s life can alter his / her life. If you can think back to your childhood, can’t you pin down one or two events that altered your life – good or bad. There are things in our lives that make us take a different path. Our boys in combat will be altered forever. I wonder what path it will take them. I pray that they can overcome the adversities that they will be faced with during this time in their lives.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxo

Day 306 Dad

Sometimes it is just enough to know that Zach is ok! I talked to Zach today he and our troops need our prayers. He has had a tough couple of days. You are superman I love you Zach!

Day 306

Mom – Day 306

I knew that yesterday I felt different. I was really stressed about not knowing how Zach was. I really felt sick to my stomach and uneasy. When I heard Zach was okay my body felt like I released something that was squeezing me. I do not know how to describe it but I know I will never forget that feeling. I was right; Zach had a bad bad day yesterday. I wish he never had to experience these things, I wish he were still young and innocent to the evils of this world. Please say a prayer to the families of the soldiers that were killed. Say a prayer to their moms, wives, and loved ones that they will never get to touch again.

I love you Zach – Please Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxo

Day 307

Mom – Day 307

I am so exhausted now, I feel like I was in a fight. I know that part of it stems from the fact that I am still forgetting to take my meds but all in all today was not a good day. I woke up to the news of the earthquake in Haiti and then I hear that two soldiers were killed in Eastern Afghanistan. I was worried all day, sick to my stomach and then Galen said he spoke to Zach for less than a minute. Zach could not talk. When I received the text from Galen telling me that Zach was okay I was so relieved but my body needed time to feel that relief. I had to leave my meeting for a bit to wipe the tears, and then I couldn’t stop shaking. I remembered my mom at that moment (who passed away) and I could hear her saying to take in sugar to calm myself. So here I was gulping Coca-Cola (which I never drink). Then finally, I felt the tension in my shoulders, neck and head. I hated the feeling! I emailed my friend Mary to make sure her son was safe. After that, I heard from Shane who is also in the military and I found out that he will be headed to Haiti. I think I developed more wrinkles on my forehead today.

Zach, I love you – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Day 307 Dad

Very busy morning all was going well, then while checking the news I noticed that 2 soldiers had been killed in Eastern Afghanistan, and there was that gut punch again. I checked the on line information and it was all military press releases no definitive locations. I planned on calling Zach and had brought the information for the calling card so during my lunch, I called. I was relieved when he answered and then his next words sent a chill down my spin. “I can’t talk Dad, we are in a black out.” A quick I love you and then the line went silent. A black out – this is what happens when there has been a casualty in a unit and all communications have to cease until the families of those injured or killed have been notified. It is hard to hear that but on the other hand he answered the phone!!! A knot still exists in my stomach and my heart weeps for the families of those who lost their lives and I pray that all Americans understand and appreciate the sacrifice put forth by our military men and women. Soon military personnel will be headed to Haiti to help in the recovery. Zach's best friend Shane who is with the 82nd Airborne's 2nd Brigade Combat Team will be going! America to the rescue, as usual, as normal as expected! It must be nice for those who think America is the ill of the world to be able to spew venom but still know that in times of need we will be there! Selective appreciation, selective patriotism, selective despise. Early Americans our fore fathers called them "sunshine patriots", those who want to reap the rewards of a free society without the courage to keep it free or live in true freedom! I believe in freedom! God bless all of our men and women in uniform and all of those who risk their lives in the service of others and God Bless America. Heroes are ordinary people who do extraordinary things, God bless you Zach and you are superman, and I love you and miss you immensely.

Day 308

Mom – Day 308

I noticed Zach was online today. It is nice to know that he is doing okay.

Yesterday, I was speaking to friend of mine and she was telling me that she was watching a story about Afghanistan on the news. She said that an obstacle that the troops have with respect to training the Afghan nationals is that many of them cannot read. Everything must be hands on or with pictures.

I am going to cut this short – I am having some trouble with my computer.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxo

Day 309

Mom – Day 309

How do we go to sleep without knowing any information about the soldiers that were killed today? We pray for them and all the families that are worrying. Galen is so worried, my friend Mary is beside herself and I feel like I am walking on glass – I don’t want to make any abrupt motions because I might cut myself. If only we had the opportunity to receive a message, or something just to let us know that our boys are okay.

Zach, I love you – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo

309 Dad

Words really can’t describe the feelings of a person who has a loved one in the military and in harm’s way when you hear on the news that more servicemen have been killed. Such was the case again this morning on my way to work, and I hear that 3 servicemen lost their lives in combat, while we were sleeping safe and sound in our beds. It is like being punched in the gut every time as a fear grips you and then you spend the next hours frantically looking for information it is like an obsession a twisted demented obsession which I go through whenever I hear about a casualties. I begin the search of the web to find out where or if names were released and it seems that all press releases are the same for the first few hours after casualties, and every time I know I have new gray hair. I haven’t talked to Zach for a while and I really miss him, but sometimes it is ok just to know that he is ok. He is superman and he will be ok! I love you Zach with all my heart and more than mere words can describe.

Day 310

Mom – Day 310

We didn’t get an opportunity to speak to Zach – we were hoping to speak to him sometime this weekend. I do know that my sister did get in touch with him but we could never get through. At least I had an opportunity to speak to Zach this week; I just wish Dal had an opportunity to speak to Zach. I think time is moving for Zach because he is out working everyday. I know that he tends to loose the date and the day of the week.

So I am always curious about Afghanistan and I want to learn more about this country. I do often ask myself, should we be in Afghanistan, why are we there, what are our goals as a Western country, and can we achieve “success”? I don’t know the answers, and I am not sure what I would do if I were in a place of power and I had to make some of these decisions. One thing, I don’t think we hear enough about on the news is this major deterrent “for success” found throughout Afghanistan – can you guess what it is? It is worth 12 times the price of gold and Afghanistan produces ~93% of the world’s demand. It is the beautiful and deadly Papaver somniferum, the Poppy. The lists of obstacles to overcome in Afghanistan are long.

Zach, I love you – Be Safe
xoxoxoxo

Day 311

Mom – Day 311

Another day has gone by and 311 days left – how depressing, it sounds better to say he has already spent 53 days deployed.

It is funny that I am writing this blog – I say this because it is not like me at all. First of all, I am NOT touchy, feely. I DO NOT like to expose my feelings, apologizing, or expressing myself – you know, don’t let people see your dirty laundry! I also do not enjoy writing; it is not my forte. This blog is so out of my character so why do I do this, I don’t know other then I know that I have to let it out and this is the medium. I have no idea how I am going to keep on writing but I don’t want to miss a day. Yesterday, I was writing and then I got side tracked on something and before you know it I saw that midnight was about to strike. My heart skipped a beat because I didn’t want to miss a day. I can’t jinx anything. So I think I will continue to do this. I hope the readers reading this know that I write this as a way for me to cope but I don’t want to pass my pain on to others. I also have so much to be thankful for and sometimes I give that a bum rap. I don’t tend to write down all the things I am grateful for. I have so much to be thankful for; in many ways I am the lucky one.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Day 312

Mom – Day 312

Today I bumped into someone I know and she was telling me about her experience when her brother was deployed to Iraq. She said she was never one to follow the news but once her brother was deployed she couldn’t help but read, listen, or watch the news. That is how I feel. There are times though, when I have to shut out the news but then I worry that I missed something. I also think that everyone knows that Zach is in Afghanistan – I mean, I assume everyone knows and if I don’t know someone, I tell him or her. I forget often that NO, not everyone knows or remembers that he is in Afghanistan. I don’t know why I do this; after all I am the last one to claim I remember where everyone’s son or daughter is – after High School. My memory is like a sieve. Sometimes, I impose too much information on people, assuming they must want to know how Zach is. Just bare with me – I need to let someone know.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxo

Day 313

Mom – Day 313

Today I was brave because it was the first time that I didn’t wear waterproof mascara. I should have waited! Don’t jump to conclusions – this is not a bad thing – I cried because I was happy and I was sad, I cried as a relief. I had a chance to call and speak to Zach today for 20 minutes solid. I missed his call the other day so it was nice to hear his voice today. We talked about a lot of things. It was a great conversation. He said that the other day he had the opportunity to shower, have his clothes washed and eat a real meal. He said how it felt so good to be clean and to wear socks that weren’t crusty. He also said that the food tasted good, a stir-fry, but he got sick from it. He got sick from the food because he wasn’t use to eating a “real” meal. He also said that he was doing his job. I don’t know how to describe the tone in his voice other then he sounded “okay” when he said that he was out there, doing his job.

I am proud of you Zach, I love you – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

312 and a wakeup! Dad

Lisa talked to Zach today and was very happy, I wish I could have but it wasn't possible. I think about him every day, I do my own little things to keep him in my heart and my prayers and I know he can feel it and knows I love him. Each day I check for news on Afghanistan try to find out anything that might be happening. Sometimes it is hard to face the days, but as always it is important to keep busy! Not much else to say, normally I am very outspoken and have a lot to say but I find this is all very private at times and lately that is how I have felt, it is how I am coping with a very stressful situation. I know he is superman and he will be ok! I love you Zach!

Day 314

Mom – Day 314

Sometimes I want to write about things but I can’t. I still have to pay attention to the fact that this blog is on the web. There are things that are too personal, that I think may compromise my son’s safety, or sometimes I just hold my tongue. Today is one of those days that I would really like to express myself, but I won’t. Don’t get me wrong, this blog has given me a medium to express myself, but I know that it too is limited.

I know that when I don’t hear from Zach I worry myself sick. I cannot imagine what moms and loved ones of the soldiers went through during the wars where technology was limited. It truly is amazing how I can communicate with Zach.

Zach, I love you – Be Safe
xoxoxoxo

Day 315

Mom – Day 315

Once again I can’t sleep. I have been up for hours looking at pictures, reading the news on-line and thinking if I can try and call Zach (which I can’t). Last night on the news I watched a piece about a soldier that was deploying to Afghanistan. He seemed to be very proud of being a soldier. At the same token, he is leaving a wife, a new set of twins and his mom. Mom will see her son deployed AND her husband deployed to Afghanistan. I saw in her eyes that she was proud of both of them but she was also scared.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxo

Day 316

Mom – Day 316

Today I received in the mail information from the Family Readiness Support Assistant. I received information for emergencies, care package ideas and a small book, “A Parents’ Guide.” I haven’t read it all yet – I just received it – but it looks informative. I didn’t even know that there was anything available to parents that are away from a military base. I do appreciate the information but I do wish I received this on day 365 or prior to day 365.

Well, let me share some of the information from the Care Package Ideas. It says that we should write letters, send pictures, magazines and cut out articles from the newspapers. Don’t send alcohol or pornography or socks with logos (?) I also heard (not from this source) that National Geographic is on the “do not send” list. For bakers (not me) you can check out Nestle at http://www.verybestbaking.com/promotions/programs/troops.aspx They also suggest boxes that have a theme. For example, “Work It Out!” with deodorant, Gatorade powder, power bars, socks, etc., “Winter Wonderland” with hot cocoa mix, cider mix, marshmallows, Chapstick,…… Currently, where Zach is located, he doesn’t have access to purchase items he could use. Items like baby wipes, hand cream, power bars, healthy snacks are things he could use. There are other things that that may be nice to receive, a letter, pictures, homemade cookies, whoppie pies, or Kleenex. Honestly, I think the most important thing is for him to know that we support our troops.

I love you Zach – Be Careful
xoxoxoxoxo

Dad 316

Tough day this morning I heard there were no military combat deaths in Afghanistan in December. Before I get to work I hear that 4 "soldiers" (could be marines) were killed in a road side bombing. My heart raced then calm and I thought no it is going to be ok I am positive and have faith. I search the internet at work until I find that the bombing was in the south near Kandahar. Again I feel happy - relieved, but once again there are 4 families that are going to hear about the loss of a loved one! War is hell, we just didn't know that the hell extends to the home front! You are superman, I love you Zach!

Day 317

Mom – Day 317

I get nervous when I don’t hear from Zach. My mind goes over scenario over scenario – which is useless because there are so many scenarios of what he could be doing. What comforts me somewhat is to know that he is okay. As Galen wrote on the blog, we couldn’t get in touch with Zach today but we know that he was online today. At least someone heard from him today. Now if I could only stop biting my nails.

Today I heard from an old friend. She is the type of friend that a year (or sometimes more) would go by before we get in touch but it doesn’t matter because we would just pick up our conversation where we left off. So I had to tell her about Zach joining the military and say “by the way, Zach is in Afghanistan right now”. It felt funny because even though I spoke to her last over a year ago, it seemed like only yesterday but when I was telling her how Zach left in November, it felt like it was so so long ago and I can’t fathom how long the next 317 days will be. Time is precise but the perception of time differs.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxo

Dad 317

One day closer! I didn't talk to Zach which can be stressful, but we know he is ok as he did go on line somehow and post a couple of facebook messages. Then an exchange student from last year (Jana) who is visiting her host family came over to visit and said she had talked to him earlier in the day. We had tried to no avail to call him today. It is hard to rely on communications to a less than third world country. Just to know he is ok is sometimes enough! You are superman, I love you Zach!

Day 318

Mom – Day 318

Have you ever been sick? Lying in bed after an operation? I have had many operations in my life and I remember the times I would just lie in bed, not wanting to be there, super impatient. What is one suppose to do – nothing. So everyday I would say to myself, I am one day closer from feeling better. That is how I feel, just waiting impatiently, not being able to do anything except saying, “we are one day closer from Zach coming home”. I never really relaxed because I feel like I am stuck in bed, just waiting.

Zach asked me the other day for the url for this blog and I told him that maybe he shouldn’t read it until he comes home – I am not sure if this was right or wrong. I don’t want him to know how I feel everyday, I don’t need him to worry. I do know that my daughter doesn’t read this either. I am okay with that, in fact, glad she doesn’t read this because she has to deal with Zach’s deployment in her own way.

I love you Zach – Be Safe
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Dad 319

A new year - so much maybe too much or is it? Another day a new year Zach still in Afghanistan - what's changed. A new year is supposed to be such a happy time that is why we say Happy New Year right? Why? Because we wish for a happy new year - again nothings changed! I was kind of depressed this morning as I thought about things like nothing has changed - however .... so much can be better! Have I done all I could to reach my personal goals as I am far behind where I thought I would be. One wonders about self worth, and achievement, wealth, health and all the good in life that we as Americans expect and many work for. But the new year offers an opportunity to move ahead to reach back and drive forward, for me though it means more we are one day closer to Zach being home safe and sound, and a new year sounds better as he is scheduled to redeploy in 2010. Oh I have my goals, the things I want to do resolutions if you will, but for me Zach coming home safe and sound - that is priority one except for the promise I made which hopefully will be achieved the rest will be gravy! Life is pretty good, I love my family and I love you Zach, you are superman. I miss you take care, be safe I love you!

Day 319

Mom – Day 319

It is beautiful outside today – it is like a Winter in Wonderland Fairy tale. Today is the start of a New Year. I spoke to Zach again today, on and off for a bit. It was nice. I did tell him how his Papa made me a nice breakfast – all of our Mexican favorites, chorizo (Mexican sausage) with egg, Mexican cheese, avocado, black beans and corn tortillas. Poor Zach, he said he misses that. He again told me that he hasn’t been eating breakfast. He did say that they did get a supply of some food and that is why he had some fruit – things we take for granted.

In past conversations, Zach would tell me how he saw an albino and a white looking Afghani, or is it Afghanistani. Due to Afghanistan’s physical location, I knew that there should be people in Afghanistan that look different (maybe not as diverse as the US). Then I was wondering, not wanting to be wrong and embarrass myself, what do the people of Afghanistan call themselves? I thought this was a straightforward question with a straightforward answer. I was wrong. The reason I was wrong is because I was thinking like an American, I consider myself an American first because I was born here and I was raised here (American in the sense of a US American). If I asked someone who was born in Afghanistan if they were an Afghani this is what he/she would say: Yes, because I am a Pashtun, the largest ethnic group; Sometimes because I am a Tajik, the second largest ethnic group; Not really because I am a Hazara or a Uzbek, or a Aimak, or a Turkmen or another of the smaller ethnic groups; No, an Afghani is what we call our money; No, I am an Afghanistani - a less popular term – this term is being pushed so that their identity can united. Did you get that?

Zach, Happy New Year – I love you, Be safe
xoxoxoxoxo