Mom – Day 60
I haven’t really felt like writing in a long time. I am writing because I feel I need to but I don’t have my heart into it. I am antsy and I don’t know what to say or think. Most people don’t really ask about Zach anymore (although there are the regulars!) and I understand that because it has been almost one year. I usually bring it upon myself to start talking about him, those that I think might want to hear but they are not sure to ask anymore. I am getting use to Zach being in Afghanistan but it is still hard for me knowing that he always seems to be in a combat zone, always on alert. I don’t cry everyday now and I have starting wearing regular mascara (I swear I thought my eyelashes were disappearing) but I have chewed off my fake nails and starting right into chewing my fingernails. I feel like I need to do something! I light candles of the Virgin Mary, thinking it can’t hurt and I still wear the cross of my Mother’s ashes every single day. We did speak to Zach on Sunday for over an hour. At first we spoke to him for about 10 seconds – we had to call back later – but I was so relieved to hear his voice. I knew that voting day was going to be bad but it was really bad. Zach is so distraught about the whole situation in Afghanistan. He spoke about how the Taliban tie up ‘informants’ to two different vehicles and drive off until their body is split apart, or how the Taliban hang children just for talking to the Americans – it is so disgusting. Zach is tired; it is time for him to leave.
I love you Zach