Day 154

Mom – Day 154

Today is June 16th and my girlfriend Barbara mentioned how June is half over. The reason why she said this is because I have been so worried about the summer fighting in Afghanistan. The summers are always bad and so far it has been bad. I think I really didn’t pay attention to the fact that June is half way over because I don’t want to think about the summer and how many days there are in the summer.

Today there was an end of year BBQ at work. Once again I couldn’t go. My girlfriend Rachel stopped by and it gave me an excuse not to go but I knew I wouldn’t go even if Rachel didn’t stop by. I couldn’t do our Christmas party at work and now again I couldn’t go to our end of the year party. I planned on going, I even bought something to bring but I couldn’t do it. I guess I didn’t feel like celebrating – it is hard for me to celebrate when Zach is in harms way. I do know that I have to do things and I have had a department party at my house and people over to my house – but if I have it at my house then I have to be there; or I have been to events, but only ones I feel like I have to. If I could collect every tear that I shed since Zach has been over there I could create my own ocean. Today, I almost put on the regular mascara but now I think why bother, I should just throw it out – I miss Zach so much and I am so tired of worrying about him but I will do it until he comes home.

I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo