Day 181

Mom – Day 181

Today the weather has been fantastic! I had a great day. I spoke to Victoria and I just relaxed, something I don’t seem to do often. Although the day was great, I feel nostalgic. I know what the word means, and that is why it is weird. I am home but I don’t feel home. I am comfortable but it is not the same. I am trying everything to make me feel better. I do feel better BUT …. I am saying ‘no’ to things at work, trying to make my life more manageable; I am working out; eating better; listening to music again; BUT I still can’t stop crying. I think sometimes that there must be something wrong with me, why can’t I control ME, my emotions. I hate feeling vulnerable. I DO know that I will get through this, I also know that I am impatient but that is the way it is so I have to suck it up.

I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxo