Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Day 244

Mom – Day 244

I think I gained 1000 lbs because I am trying to squeeze everything into this short time. My sister and her kids are heading back to Dallas tomorrow and then I think I will try and do something with Zach. I want to spend some time with him (not to share him). I think Zach is also tired because he too is trying to squeeze everything into a small amount of time. Today he is out with his friends and he said he feels funny. He will probably have to say good-bye to many of his friends. All of these good-byes are hard for him. It will be a long time before he will be home again to see everyone.

I wish I didn’t have to work now with Zach being here. I am not enjoying it at the moment. My disappointment (not my actual job, which I do enjoy – I am speaking about the environment) is making me reflect on my own actions. I wonder if I too am in my own world and I don’t pay attention to my colleagues. I can’t change other people but I can change myself. I don’t want to be one of those colleagues that I am disappointed with – I need to be more in tuned with the people I work with. I get it when Zach is amazed when he hears about people complain about stupid little things when he has to worry about survival. Or when people complain about food when there are many times he goes without food and on and on. I sometimes don’t want to hear about so and so’s problems when I feel like I am dealing with a boulder on my chest. Okay – I am rambling again but I get so frustrated sometimes and hurt. – on the flip side there have been some people that have been super supportive or there are colleagues that have shown me a side that I didn’t know.

I love you Zach

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