Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Day 223

Mom – Day 223

Another long day and I am to tired to look up anything on the Internet – at the moment I don’t really care about the Taliban, the Pashto language or South Asia. I don’t care about any of it. I don’t know what has gotten into me but I can’t stop crying – but I can only cry when I have a moment. I feel like a faucet because I have to turn off my tears from one moment to the next. I don’t have time to cry. One of my girlfriends told me that maybe it is good that I am so busy now because I don’t have time to dwell. Maybe it is true but I want to cry.

I want to thank Rachel and Carol that are really helping me out at work. They do this because they have skills that I need but they really do this because they are helping ME. I know that sometimes people want to help or people don’t know what to do and I want to tell you what you are doing even if you don’t recognize it as such. You tell me that you are keeping the faith for me or praying for Zach – sometimes I know I feel that I can’t do it any longer but I don’t feel so desolate because I know someone is continuing with the prayers. Or last Easter when my in-laws made dinner, I was so grateful because I did NOT want any part of any celebration; or the occasional evening out so that there is some distraction: the call from my brother, just checking in on me; or this embarrassing Blog, knowing that you are reading it and sharing my burden.

I need to finally tell my husband Galen, you are my rock.

I love you Zach

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