This will be last entry into the Blog 365 Days. I have picked today as kind of a symbolic day. 21 years ago today I was an intelligence officer sitting in an Ops center in Berlin Germany as reports filtered in that people were crossing the border into West Berlin. Unbelievably it was true and my team and I monitored the situation through out the night responding to every situation to ensure the safety of the East German populace. That was my time in the sun if you will, I received accolades for the work done that night. It all seems so small compared to what Zach has endured over the last year, and what we as a family have endured. I am so thankful that Zach made it through with no physical harm, now comes the work to reintegrate him mentally into society.
My heart is heavy for the loss that so many suffered, for the men and women in Zach’s unit who lost friends and saw such incredible devastation. War is not pretty it is not a game, but it is a struggle for all involved – soldiers and families! But we as a nation should be proud that men and women are willing to answer the call, stand to post and say “not on my watch, not today, sleep well America because I am at the ready”! Duty, honor and country are not just words but part of the creed of what it is to be a soldier, marine, airman or seaman, a way of life that they accepted and signed up for. Thank you to all of them and thank you to you Zach! You are our little boy even today, even as you speak of the horror of war, you are our little boy, the boy who collected leeches in the pond, the boy running the base paths during a little league game and the little boy who went to pee in the closet as we remodeled our home.
So yes 21 years after the fall of the Berlin Wall Zach was actually born after the fall of the wall that marked the end of soviet and communist rule over eastern Europe, I will conclude my writing in the blog. Our son has returned from defending others against oppression, from trying to make the world a safer place. On this anniversary of the fall of the wall, and in celebration of Zach’s return with the 173rd Airborne Brigade Combat Team let us say thank you to all service men and women, let us not forget that freedom is not free and too often it is paid for in blood. May we never loose sight of that and commit ourselves to preserving freedom, and that we may be the masters of our own destiny, and that being an individual is worth preserving worth defending and worth fighting for if necessary.
We owe a debt of gratitude to all our military personnel. I am truly thankful for the fact my son has safely left Afghanistan, thankful that he can now start the next chapter of his life. I am also saddened for those whose sons will not return, who have had deal with that heartache. For many warriors the greatest tribute they can pay to their fallen brothers is to live their life and do the most they can with it. “For he who sheds his blood with me today shall be my brother” – live on brothers live on!
P.S.
"All gave some, some gave all!" As I write this I have just learned of a 20 year old young man who was killed yesterday. He was in the 101st Airborne graduated from Carrabec High School (not far from here) had a wife and was expecting his first child!
“And when he goes to Heaven
To St. Peter he’ll tell:
Another Marine reporting, sir,
I’ve served my time in hell”
Grave of a Marine on Guadalcanal
“And I can't call in sick on Mondays when the weekend's been too strong,
I just work straight through the holidays,
And sometimes all night long.
You can bet that I stand ready when the wolf growls at the door,
Hey, I'm solid, hey I'm steady, hey I'm true down to the core,
And I will always do my duty, no matter what the price,
I've counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice,
Oh, and I don't want to die for you,
But if dying's asked of me,
I'll bear that cross with an honor,
'Cause freedom don't come free.
I'm an American Soldier, an American,
Beside my Brothers and my Sisters I will proudly take a stand.
When liberty's in jeopardy I'll always do what's right.
I'm out here on the front lines, sleep in peace tonight.
American Soldier,
I'm an American Soldier.”
From the song American Soldier by Toby Keith
You are superman, I love you Zach, Welcome back! Soon it will be welcome home!
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Friday, November 5, 2010
Day -4
Mom – Day -4
Many people asked me what I was going to do with the Blog. They wanted to know if I was going to continue, maybe talk about our transitions …. Honestly, I didn’t know what I was going to do. I had been waiting for Day Zero for so long and when it came, I didn’t know if it was really true. It is still a bit surreal. After I wrote Blog Day -1, I knew exactly what to do. I was exhausted! I am still exhausted. I just want to be able to sleep, catch up on all the sleep I lost. That is it. I am tired and done. This is my last Blog entry.
I love you Zach, Good Night
Love your Mama
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Many people asked me what I was going to do with the Blog. They wanted to know if I was going to continue, maybe talk about our transitions …. Honestly, I didn’t know what I was going to do. I had been waiting for Day Zero for so long and when it came, I didn’t know if it was really true. It is still a bit surreal. After I wrote Blog Day -1, I knew exactly what to do. I was exhausted! I am still exhausted. I just want to be able to sleep, catch up on all the sleep I lost. That is it. I am tired and done. This is my last Blog entry.
I love you Zach, Good Night
Love your Mama
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Day -3 Dad
I talked to Zach yesterday he sounded so good. He was happy to be back in Germany but was upset that there are no days off! He said that everyday he has briefing, in processing and debriefing. I told him these are important things that are part of integrating back into society from a combat zone. He agreed and said it is part of the Army game. It will take time for him to wind down, but it will take time for us to wind down as well. What a trial this has been for our family and for him. It is the same for thousands upon thousands of families across America and in countless allied countries around the world. So many have suffered through a year or two or three of this hardship, and yet others saw the hardship abruptly end and grieving begin. Today in the paper I saw the picture of young girl crying into the fold American flag that had just been given to her. Moments before it was draped over the coffin that held her fathers body. No words spoken or mere mention of his being a hero can ever ebb the grief that will be with that young girl probably for the rest of her life.
This is why Zach feels so much desire to achieve now, he feels that he must live life to the fullest and achieve his potential to honor those who fell. For his friend Matthew Hennigan, who was killed in a fire fight and with whom Zach was to go snow boarding this winter. I believe Zach is destined to great things, not just because he is my son, and I admit that does make me biased, but also because of his great understanding of what is right and just. He understands that fair is only determined by those in charge. However, just and right are concepts that are quantifiable, discernable and defendable. He is a student of history and understands the magnitude of his decisions and actions, he understands the legacy of his military service, the importance of education what it means to sacrifice not in words but in actions.
The one thing I truly feel that I have done right as a parent is to allow my children to be independent and given them the tools to be confident in that while being good citizens. I have always tried to do the same with my exchange kids and we all have such good relationships for that reason. Life is not easy, never has been, never will be but the desire to succeed and do well will keep it fresh and interesting. For Zach that chapter is now in its infancy but the real adventure begins.
For Lisa and I as well, I cried when I found out he was in Germany, it was like I was in Limbo from Afghanistan fatigue. Kyrgyzstan is still a somewhat hostile country they let us have the base there because we bid more than the Russians, ah but Germany – beer, brats, sauerkraut, potato dumplings, sauerbraten and the like. I could relax, I can relax enjoy it Zach, I look forward to seeing you here in Maine. The air is different, the sky is bluer, and even the auto repair bill thanks to our fabulous Maine roads can’t remove my smile and good cheer today!
You are superman, I love you Zach!
This is why Zach feels so much desire to achieve now, he feels that he must live life to the fullest and achieve his potential to honor those who fell. For his friend Matthew Hennigan, who was killed in a fire fight and with whom Zach was to go snow boarding this winter. I believe Zach is destined to great things, not just because he is my son, and I admit that does make me biased, but also because of his great understanding of what is right and just. He understands that fair is only determined by those in charge. However, just and right are concepts that are quantifiable, discernable and defendable. He is a student of history and understands the magnitude of his decisions and actions, he understands the legacy of his military service, the importance of education what it means to sacrifice not in words but in actions.
The one thing I truly feel that I have done right as a parent is to allow my children to be independent and given them the tools to be confident in that while being good citizens. I have always tried to do the same with my exchange kids and we all have such good relationships for that reason. Life is not easy, never has been, never will be but the desire to succeed and do well will keep it fresh and interesting. For Zach that chapter is now in its infancy but the real adventure begins.
For Lisa and I as well, I cried when I found out he was in Germany, it was like I was in Limbo from Afghanistan fatigue. Kyrgyzstan is still a somewhat hostile country they let us have the base there because we bid more than the Russians, ah but Germany – beer, brats, sauerkraut, potato dumplings, sauerbraten and the like. I could relax, I can relax enjoy it Zach, I look forward to seeing you here in Maine. The air is different, the sky is bluer, and even the auto repair bill thanks to our fabulous Maine roads can’t remove my smile and good cheer today!
You are superman, I love you Zach!
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Day -1
Mom – Day -1
Today Zach called me at school during my prep time. I couldn’t believe that I was speaking to him from Germany. I don’t know how to describe how I felt because words cannot compensate for my feelings. Today, I have been discussing the Day of the Dead with my students and I feel as if my mother was there listening to my lecture. I must be over sensitive now because I can’t seem to stop crying because I feel so lucky. I tell myself I should never complain for the rest of my life because all of my prayers have been answered. Today I also received a big package from my sister with the book, The Kite Runner, a Mexican of the Virgin of Guadalupe, and other little things – some of the things that kept me going: learning about the culture, and my faith. I just feel so blessed and scared that I shouldn’t deserve this. One day, far from this day, I will go back and read my 365 days of prayer. Funny how this war is because I am the enemy, the Infidel, somehow I don’t feel like the Infidel because I have never prayed to God so hard as I have done this past year. Please continue the prayers for those that are still willing to fight and are willing to sacrifice their life for …. Sometimes I don’t even know what we are fighting for .
I love you Zach and I love my family.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Today Zach called me at school during my prep time. I couldn’t believe that I was speaking to him from Germany. I don’t know how to describe how I felt because words cannot compensate for my feelings. Today, I have been discussing the Day of the Dead with my students and I feel as if my mother was there listening to my lecture. I must be over sensitive now because I can’t seem to stop crying because I feel so lucky. I tell myself I should never complain for the rest of my life because all of my prayers have been answered. Today I also received a big package from my sister with the book, The Kite Runner, a Mexican of the Virgin of Guadalupe, and other little things – some of the things that kept me going: learning about the culture, and my faith. I just feel so blessed and scared that I shouldn’t deserve this. One day, far from this day, I will go back and read my 365 days of prayer. Funny how this war is because I am the enemy, the Infidel, somehow I don’t feel like the Infidel because I have never prayed to God so hard as I have done this past year. Please continue the prayers for those that are still willing to fight and are willing to sacrifice their life for …. Sometimes I don’t even know what we are fighting for .
I love you Zach and I love my family.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Monday, November 1, 2010
Day 17 - NO DAY 0, that is ZERO
Mom – Day 17 NO it is Day 0, that is ZERO
Today is Day ZERO. He is really out of AFGHANISTAN – he is done with his deployment and is now in Germany. I can’t believe that it has come to an end and I don’t know what to do. I have been teary eyed but I can’t wait to shower so I can just cry and cry. Cry for my relief of not having that pit in my stomach any more, cry for the soldiers that Zach is leaving behind, cry for Zach’s friends that did not make it back with him and for their parents that will never write Day Zero. I don’t know what to do with my emotions now that it is over.
Today is November 1st. Día de los Muertos is Nov 1st and 2nd. This is the day that the living remember those that have passed on but today I think that the ones that have passed on remembered the living – they helped bring Zach to a safe place today. I do think that our prayers were heard and Grandma, Grandpa, Tristan, and many others were helping us through this. Today I called Mary Golden, my cyber friend, Robert’s mother. It was odd because I never spoke to her on the phone, only via computer, but it also felt normal because we are both at the same place in our lives – Mary we made it!
I don’t know what I will do next. I think I need a little time to think and understand what my new role is going to be. I need to figure me out. I do know that I am so lucky to have Galen there next to me and for being such a great Dad and husband. I am also lucky for having all of the support I have received from my family and friends. 6,734 hits from people reading our Blog – Thank you
Yes, now I am crying.
I love you Zach so much
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Today is Day ZERO. He is really out of AFGHANISTAN – he is done with his deployment and is now in Germany. I can’t believe that it has come to an end and I don’t know what to do. I have been teary eyed but I can’t wait to shower so I can just cry and cry. Cry for my relief of not having that pit in my stomach any more, cry for the soldiers that Zach is leaving behind, cry for Zach’s friends that did not make it back with him and for their parents that will never write Day Zero. I don’t know what to do with my emotions now that it is over.
Today is November 1st. Día de los Muertos is Nov 1st and 2nd. This is the day that the living remember those that have passed on but today I think that the ones that have passed on remembered the living – they helped bring Zach to a safe place today. I do think that our prayers were heard and Grandma, Grandpa, Tristan, and many others were helping us through this. Today I called Mary Golden, my cyber friend, Robert’s mother. It was odd because I never spoke to her on the phone, only via computer, but it also felt normal because we are both at the same place in our lives – Mary we made it!
I don’t know what I will do next. I think I need a little time to think and understand what my new role is going to be. I need to figure me out. I do know that I am so lucky to have Galen there next to me and for being such a great Dad and husband. I am also lucky for having all of the support I have received from my family and friends. 6,734 hits from people reading our Blog – Thank you
Yes, now I am crying.
I love you Zach so much
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Day 18
Mom - Day 18
I can't believe that we missed writing in the blog for so many days (this time Galen is sick). Zach is still deployed, he hasn't made it yet to Germany but I know it won't be long and that heavy weight that Galen and I have been carrying for so long has been lifted.
So I was wondering, what now. Now it will be time for the transition. Everyone is giving me advice about Zach and helping him with his transition back to a 'normal' life. The Army is going to be there for him to help him with his transition until I see him. I am worried about how he will cope with everything he has seen and done. I think I kind of understand why our military re-deploy, they go back to a family that can relate to them.
Right now it is snowing, the yellow ribbons are still on the tree and we are still waiting to hear Zach's voice.
I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
I can't believe that we missed writing in the blog for so many days (this time Galen is sick). Zach is still deployed, he hasn't made it yet to Germany but I know it won't be long and that heavy weight that Galen and I have been carrying for so long has been lifted.
So I was wondering, what now. Now it will be time for the transition. Everyone is giving me advice about Zach and helping him with his transition back to a 'normal' life. The Army is going to be there for him to help him with his transition until I see him. I am worried about how he will cope with everything he has seen and done. I think I kind of understand why our military re-deploy, they go back to a family that can relate to them.
Right now it is snowing, the yellow ribbons are still on the tree and we are still waiting to hear Zach's voice.
I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Thursday, October 28, 2010
Day 21 Dad
"Hey I just left Afghanistan today! I am in Manas its so nice hear. The air is fresh the food is good. Don't know when I am leaving yet but its nice to be outta there."
"Yeah Its nice to get outta there. Great air force food. I had real milk for the first time in 8 months. I took a shower without feeling dirty again instantly. I can buy things again, almost there to Germany. We might be here up to 4 more days. Time to relax really for the first time since march. I am ready to get to Germany then get home! its almost 2300 here; they have a weird time here. I am gonna try to get some sleep before weapons guard."
Words from a young man who has left Afghanistan. I am so happy yet not sure how I feel, it is so weird much like it is weird for him to be out of Afghanistan.
You are superman, I love you Zach!
"Yeah Its nice to get outta there. Great air force food. I had real milk for the first time in 8 months. I took a shower without feeling dirty again instantly. I can buy things again, almost there to Germany. We might be here up to 4 more days. Time to relax really for the first time since march. I am ready to get to Germany then get home! its almost 2300 here; they have a weird time here. I am gonna try to get some sleep before weapons guard."
Words from a young man who has left Afghanistan. I am so happy yet not sure how I feel, it is so weird much like it is weird for him to be out of Afghanistan.
You are superman, I love you Zach!
Day 21
Mom – Day 21
Today I can really shed some tears of emotion – relief, happiness, and thankfulness – Zach is out. He said he finally had the opportunity to take a shower and feel clean, drink some real milk (not expired), eat a Snickers and have some pepperoni. Thank you for all of the prayers. (he is not in Germany yet).
Love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Today I can really shed some tears of emotion – relief, happiness, and thankfulness – Zach is out. He said he finally had the opportunity to take a shower and feel clean, drink some real milk (not expired), eat a Snickers and have some pepperoni. Thank you for all of the prayers. (he is not in Germany yet).
Love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Day 22
Mom – Day 22
I just don’t get it! Did Karzai forget ‘Operation Enduring Freedom’ or this thing called NATO led ISAF (International Security Assistance Force)? I don’t recall Iran being part of the ISAF. Iran is constantly in the news and I hope someone is taking notice. It is kind of sad that we are still sending our men and women over to fight for President Karzai’s government and he seems to be mocking us with presents of cash from Iran.
I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
I just don’t get it! Did Karzai forget ‘Operation Enduring Freedom’ or this thing called NATO led ISAF (International Security Assistance Force)? I don’t recall Iran being part of the ISAF. Iran is constantly in the news and I hope someone is taking notice. It is kind of sad that we are still sending our men and women over to fight for President Karzai’s government and he seems to be mocking us with presents of cash from Iran.
I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Day 23
Mom – Day 23
I have been a bit sick and in bed for a few days. Dal has taken over while I was out. While I was sick I had the opportunity to turn on the TV for a few minutes to watch ‘The National Press Club’ luncheon with the guest speaker being Ayaan Hirsi Ali. I have spoken about her before. She was born in Somali in 1969, then her family moved to Saudi Arabia, she received political asylum in the Netherlands and I believe she is now living in the U.S. She described being a Muslim in Somalia and Kenya (where she also lived) and how families followed their beliefs with respect to Islam but when she lived in Saudi Arabia, Islam’s Sharia law was not a choice but a mandate by the government. She is now a Muslim Women’s Rights Activist. Although, I listened to maybe the last 15 minutes of this luncheon, there was another statement she made that struck a chord, she stated that Sharia law is ‘Gender Apartheid’ – wow - The audience also asked her what she thought about the firing of Juan Williams from NPR because of his comments with respect to Muslims. She said that in Europe it has been quite successful to find ways for people not to critique or question Islam (she gave examples of physical threats to their lives, trying to make it a criminal act, and/or by discrediting or humiliating the person or entity). She said that a government entity should never put a halt to public discourse.
I never considered myself a feminist or someone that would take a course in Women Studies. I always pictured ‘those’ women to be those who want to just be heard or ‘those’ women who couldn’t think of something better to do or study or who wanted to be more like a man. I never pictured myself writing this blog today. I love being a woman, I love wearing my red lipstick and high heels when I want to – but that is just it, when I WANT TO. My friend Carol gave me this wonderful CD called ‘Mujeres de Agua’ by Javier Limon. It is a compilation of music from different women artists from different parts of the world and they are singing for the women in Iran who cannot make their voice public. I love the CD, maybe I am becoming one of ‘those’ women?
I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
I have been a bit sick and in bed for a few days. Dal has taken over while I was out. While I was sick I had the opportunity to turn on the TV for a few minutes to watch ‘The National Press Club’ luncheon with the guest speaker being Ayaan Hirsi Ali. I have spoken about her before. She was born in Somali in 1969, then her family moved to Saudi Arabia, she received political asylum in the Netherlands and I believe she is now living in the U.S. She described being a Muslim in Somalia and Kenya (where she also lived) and how families followed their beliefs with respect to Islam but when she lived in Saudi Arabia, Islam’s Sharia law was not a choice but a mandate by the government. She is now a Muslim Women’s Rights Activist. Although, I listened to maybe the last 15 minutes of this luncheon, there was another statement she made that struck a chord, she stated that Sharia law is ‘Gender Apartheid’ – wow - The audience also asked her what she thought about the firing of Juan Williams from NPR because of his comments with respect to Muslims. She said that in Europe it has been quite successful to find ways for people not to critique or question Islam (she gave examples of physical threats to their lives, trying to make it a criminal act, and/or by discrediting or humiliating the person or entity). She said that a government entity should never put a halt to public discourse.
I never considered myself a feminist or someone that would take a course in Women Studies. I always pictured ‘those’ women to be those who want to just be heard or ‘those’ women who couldn’t think of something better to do or study or who wanted to be more like a man. I never pictured myself writing this blog today. I love being a woman, I love wearing my red lipstick and high heels when I want to – but that is just it, when I WANT TO. My friend Carol gave me this wonderful CD called ‘Mujeres de Agua’ by Javier Limon. It is a compilation of music from different women artists from different parts of the world and they are singing for the women in Iran who cannot make their voice public. I love the CD, maybe I am becoming one of ‘those’ women?
I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Day 23 Dad
I am so tired and really need sleep. Maybe in a few days my mind will be at ease, I haven't checked the number of casualties reported in a few days I guess it had just become a habit. Staying busy is the only thing I can do but it is good to be busy, or else I just sit and wait and think.
"We will only continue to be the land of the free so long as we are home of the brave!"
You are superman, you are my hero, I love you!
"We will only continue to be the land of the free so long as we are home of the brave!"
You are superman, you are my hero, I love you!
Monday, October 25, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
Day 25 Dad
Lisa has been sick since yesterday, I made some chicken soup that I know she likes. It kind of slowed me down, but she is my honey so I have to take care of her like she did for me a couple of weeks ago. I didn't accomplish half the things I wanted to this weekend. Still waiting for the words, Hi Dad and mom I am in Germany!
God Bless all those who are serving and have served. Freedom is not free and so many have sacrificed so much for us to be free.
Zach you are superman and I love you!
God Bless all those who are serving and have served. Freedom is not free and so many have sacrificed so much for us to be free.
Zach you are superman and I love you!
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Day 26 Dad
Tomorrow, tomorrow tomorrow you're only a day away. Zach is supposed to be getting on a flight tomorrow that will take him out of Afghanistan and back to Germany. It is a day so many of us have been looking forward to. For him it comes with some aprehension but that is the warrior in him. Deep inside he is ready to leave ready to move on.
It is odd that it is so close and almost upon us. As I look at the clock on the computer I realize as I write this that in Afghanistan it is after 6 AM TOMORROW!!! Wow it could be any time I wonder how Zach feels, I wonder what he is thinking? Soon enough we will all be together and I can ask him.
God Bless our troops!
Thank you Zach, you are superman, and I love you!
It is odd that it is so close and almost upon us. As I look at the clock on the computer I realize as I write this that in Afghanistan it is after 6 AM TOMORROW!!! Wow it could be any time I wonder how Zach feels, I wonder what he is thinking? Soon enough we will all be together and I can ask him.
God Bless our troops!
Thank you Zach, you are superman, and I love you!
Friday, October 22, 2010
Day 27 Dad
Here are the words of a young man who is spent a year in hell. An old saying that many combat soldiers say "I have already been to hell!"
"Hey its weird getting ready to leave. I have my last box to mail ready to go with stuff I don't want to take with me. I have to mail it tomarra. Its such a weird feeling - leaving, I am excited and not at the same time. I met one of our teams replacements today. He locked right up talking to me. I had to take him to the range. They have all of the army's newest equipment and camo. It looks slick, a lot better then the junk we got. Finally getting some equipment that might be useful. Although I already heard about their leadership telling them they can't use some of the things haha dumb army. When I took him to the range I put on my equipment on to go out there with him. I threw my tan attachments back on my weapon threw my empty mags back in my vest so he could use them. Everyone looked at me like I was SF haha. I was wearing all mix-matched gear. An acu combat shirt stained brown from all the missions and sweat, tan and black weapon, a coyote tan vest with purple IR chem lights attached, tore up gloves with the fingers cut out, green duck tape on my iotv (bullet proof vest), no sling just some chord that attaches to a d-ring on my vest and my peltors on. My stuff looking all dirty but squared away no strings hanging off and having a set up that I wasn't adjusting - it all just fit. That's just from being here so long. You get your equipment how you like it plus having your own equipment the army didn't give you or they gave equipment made by people who never left the wire. You figure what works and want does not. I have my rucksack as my checked bag haha and my assault back for my carry that's no joke. Its weird having to do all that but it's a commercial flight in Manas. I have mixed feelings leaving now as it creeps closer (two and wake up). I am really excited and ready to go especially to get home; however I feel like I am almost leaving home. I think one reason for that is what happened to Hennigan. He got killed, I didn't have much time to recover I had a mission. Every mission I always thought this is another guy we don't have to worry about or I was hoping we would get the guy who did it. We finally did get the guy but the feeling never left. I guess it's just having the ability to prevent casualties so that it wouldn't happen again, that kept that feeling that and kept me going. I am leaving now and I guess I feel like I am leaving Matty behind. I am used to the life here now its normal to me. I am leaving my team too, which is terrible especially because they will prolly go on a another mission or two. When I put my gear back on today I was ready to go back out and do what I do. If 4-10 asked me to stay I might say yes. I feel like I know so much about how it works and could do more good things. Its weird feeling so excited to leave this shitty place but wanting to stay at the same time. I think I might always feel that way when people are here and I am not. I don't think my phone will be operational I don't know where my charger is now hah I don't get service here after 1600. We might be able to skype on Saturday. SFC Jones said I could stay in this hooch instead of moving to the transient tents. Technically I am supposed to go on lockdown tomarra and go there. I would rather chill here in the tent I spent a quite a bit of time at this deployment half full of 173 and half 4-10.
Well that's about it dad
have a good day love you,"
So close, words that resonate so loudly with me. Only a little more time .....
You are superman Zach, thank you for all you have done, I love you with all my heart.
"Hey its weird getting ready to leave. I have my last box to mail ready to go with stuff I don't want to take with me. I have to mail it tomarra. Its such a weird feeling - leaving, I am excited and not at the same time. I met one of our teams replacements today. He locked right up talking to me. I had to take him to the range. They have all of the army's newest equipment and camo. It looks slick, a lot better then the junk we got. Finally getting some equipment that might be useful. Although I already heard about their leadership telling them they can't use some of the things haha dumb army. When I took him to the range I put on my equipment on to go out there with him. I threw my tan attachments back on my weapon threw my empty mags back in my vest so he could use them. Everyone looked at me like I was SF haha. I was wearing all mix-matched gear. An acu combat shirt stained brown from all the missions and sweat, tan and black weapon, a coyote tan vest with purple IR chem lights attached, tore up gloves with the fingers cut out, green duck tape on my iotv (bullet proof vest), no sling just some chord that attaches to a d-ring on my vest and my peltors on. My stuff looking all dirty but squared away no strings hanging off and having a set up that I wasn't adjusting - it all just fit. That's just from being here so long. You get your equipment how you like it plus having your own equipment the army didn't give you or they gave equipment made by people who never left the wire. You figure what works and want does not. I have my rucksack as my checked bag haha and my assault back for my carry that's no joke. Its weird having to do all that but it's a commercial flight in Manas. I have mixed feelings leaving now as it creeps closer (two and wake up). I am really excited and ready to go especially to get home; however I feel like I am almost leaving home. I think one reason for that is what happened to Hennigan. He got killed, I didn't have much time to recover I had a mission. Every mission I always thought this is another guy we don't have to worry about or I was hoping we would get the guy who did it. We finally did get the guy but the feeling never left. I guess it's just having the ability to prevent casualties so that it wouldn't happen again, that kept that feeling that and kept me going. I am leaving now and I guess I feel like I am leaving Matty behind. I am used to the life here now its normal to me. I am leaving my team too, which is terrible especially because they will prolly go on a another mission or two. When I put my gear back on today I was ready to go back out and do what I do. If 4-10 asked me to stay I might say yes. I feel like I know so much about how it works and could do more good things. Its weird feeling so excited to leave this shitty place but wanting to stay at the same time. I think I might always feel that way when people are here and I am not. I don't think my phone will be operational I don't know where my charger is now hah I don't get service here after 1600. We might be able to skype on Saturday. SFC Jones said I could stay in this hooch instead of moving to the transient tents. Technically I am supposed to go on lockdown tomarra and go there. I would rather chill here in the tent I spent a quite a bit of time at this deployment half full of 173 and half 4-10.
Well that's about it dad
have a good day love you,"
So close, words that resonate so loudly with me. Only a little more time .....
You are superman Zach, thank you for all you have done, I love you with all my heart.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Day 29 Dad
Zach emailed today, he is at Forward Operating Base Shank. He turned in his weapon, and most of his other equipment that he won't carry with him. He is excited yet he was concerned that so many of the replacement troops from the 4th Brigade of the 10th Mountain Division have no combat experience. He said they all looked at him and the other team members with an almost reverence. Zach said it was weird but I told him that he should remember his first days.
I can almost breath normally, it is so close.
You are superman, I love you Zach!
I can almost breath normally, it is so close.
You are superman, I love you Zach!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Day 30 Dad
Well Zach emailed that he was doing inventory today and tomorrow he will go on to FOB Shank. He is now ready to leave his team is all coming in together so he is happy about that. They are close, they are brothers in arms, they have been through hell together and all want to come back together. There is a close knit bond between these men, they are forever linked through necessity and now just because.
My heart is still pounding movement in Afghanistan is never easy so prayers are still important. The hours are getting short and as Zach said he "can feel the cool air of the German fall".
You are my hero, you are superman and I love you Zach!
My heart is still pounding movement in Afghanistan is never easy so prayers are still important. The hours are getting short and as Zach said he "can feel the cool air of the German fall".
You are my hero, you are superman and I love you Zach!
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Day 32
Mom – Day 32
Zach emailed me several days ago (both Dal and I) but I did not email him back as of yet. I will email him but I was so mad at him that I didn’t want to say anything that I would regret. Whether I disagree with him is not my call anymore, I have to support him. All we can do as parents of our kids that are now adults is pray that we did a decent job and that we gave them the essential tools needed to be good people. I pray that one week from today I hear from him telling me he is out of Afghanistan.
I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Zach emailed me several days ago (both Dal and I) but I did not email him back as of yet. I will email him but I was so mad at him that I didn’t want to say anything that I would regret. Whether I disagree with him is not my call anymore, I have to support him. All we can do as parents of our kids that are now adults is pray that we did a decent job and that we gave them the essential tools needed to be good people. I pray that one week from today I hear from him telling me he is out of Afghanistan.
I love you Zach
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Day 33 Dad
Still waiting for word from Zach that he has moved to FOB Shank, not sure when that is supposed to happen but his phone is there so we can't talk to him until he has his phone. He wrote on some friends facebook pages yesterday but that is all I have. We are so close now moments are like hours, days are like years. As I walked with Jack today all I could think about in the cool breeze is what is like where Zach is? I really just want to be with him and protect him like I did when he was little. Now he would have to protect me there.
I won't felt better until I know he is safe and right now it is really hard. Day by day, try to put on a happy face.
You are superman, I love you Zach.
I won't felt better until I know he is safe and right now it is really hard. Day by day, try to put on a happy face.
You are superman, I love you Zach.
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